mike

[Mads @europemaxxed]

europeans after enabling their out of office auto reply until september

[Neet @neet_sol]

"We locked 40 people in a room to work 40 hours a week for 40 years."

[Lawrence | SwolLyfe @_TrueVoodoo]

His grocery bill has doubled in the last 4 years. Let’s gaslight him and tell him inflation is 3%.

[brian @brianonhere]

Damn — that’s what i purchase my stuff with!

[Allie ✞ @allie__voss]

One thing that needs to be studied is how “farmer’s market” used to mean “farmer’s market”

…and now it means “open-air pop-up shop with laser cut wood signs, 3D-printed fidget toys, and some lady bedazzling Stanley tumblers

[𝚃 @T_wontmiss]

24 years old.
Fully paid off Costco hotdog.
It's not "parents money".
It's not luck.
It's consistency.
It's discipline.
I grind EVERYDAY to live this lifestyle.

[Bummer T. Vibes, Esq @VibesBummer]

Before google maps you just had a buddy in another car who said “follow me” then proceeded to run a late yellow at the next intersection.

[Quinn Nelson @SnazzyLabs]

would you like to add protein to your $21 salad for just $9 more

[Danny Polishchuk @Dannyjokes]

I’m such an idiot I bought 2 dozen eggs right at the top

[🅿️ @the_P_God]

I totally dominated you at the museum dude. Pondered every piece for a couple seconds longer. Scratched my chin with more curiosity.

[۟ @4NGELWING]

no bro don’t buy airpods. you need the Sony WH-1000XM5-WHCH720N-WF1000XM5-CH520

[WitchDoctorDB @db_witch]

when I was a kid I never understood why so many cartoons portrayed dodgeball as an awful thing, dodgeball kicked ass

[Finn Hulse @finn_hulse]

nyc bars seeing how much they can charge for cocktails before someone notices:

“what about 29”

[alexandra 💿🫧 @usddos]

do european tourists know they're highly identifiable in america as well

[Annicka @deafandblinddog]

Being a baby in a stroller under the plastic cover when it’s raining must be a major vibe

[chase @funnysmartguy12]

people u went to highschool with be liking ads on instagram

[uncle ric @ihatethiskid]

BREAKING: Local man has friend in town and is forced to drink on weekday.

[frye @___frye]

it’s crazy how long island is the longest island in the continental US and they named it correctly despite not having seen the rest of the continent

[mayerr @ymmayerr]

Applying for jobs in 2010: "Attach resume."
Applying for jobs in 2026: "Manually retype your entire resume into 47 boxes."