Above Average Joe

Self-deprecating tweets with no discernible rhyme or reason. Socially awkward & lover of spreadsheets. Proud girl dad.

[DraftKings @DraftKings]

Mexico's World Cup appearances since 1994:

1994: ❌ Loss in the Round of 16
1998: ❌ Loss in the Round of 16
2002: ❌ Loss in the Round of 16
2006: ❌ Loss in the Round of 16
2010: ❌ Loss in the Round of 16
2014: ❌ Loss in the Round of 16
2018: ❌ Loss in the Round of 16
2022: ❌ Loss in Group Stage
2026: ❌ Loss in the Round of 16

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Cape Verde arrived back home and was met with a true hero’s welcome

[David Ubben @davidubben]

The Sugar Bowl was in two days.

Then Texas learned it had a player who was 30 years old.

He had already played professional football and had been competing all season under a fake name.

Free story: https://t.co/yBWfOdOKkl

[MatchReport @MatchReportH]

🚨🇺🇸 Zlatan Ibrahimović on Malik Tillman’s Stunning Free Kick

“That is why football is beautiful. You lose a player, everyone expects you to suffer, but then one man walks over the ball with ice in his veins. Tillman didn’t just score a free kick—he killed Bosnia’s belief. The wall was there, the goalkeeper was ready, but perfection doesn’t ask for permission. It simply happens. That is world-class.”

“People think free kicks are about power. No. They are about personality. The ball listens only to players who have complete confidence in themselves. Tillman struck it like he already knew where it was going before his foot touched it. That’s not luck—that’s elite quality.”

“When you are down to ten men, every goal counts double because it crushes the opponent’s spirit. Bosnia thought they had life after the red card. Then Tillman reminded them that one moment of brilliance is enough to finish a World Cup tie. That’s the difference between surviving… and dominating.” 👑

#USABIH

[Above Average Joe @FantasyAvgJoe]

@SportsCenter This is the best thing I've seen from SportsCenter since Linda Cohn & Rich Eisen were on the desk together 😂

[Pat Thorman @Pat_Thorman]

Smarter people than me disagree, but humans enthusiastically handing over the species’ only advantage has never stopped feeling like a galactically bad idea.

[Space Koala @SpaceKoala]

Has anyone ever run the math on what the electoral college would look like divided this way?

[Above Average Joe @FantasyAvgJoe]

@pourmecoffee @the_60s_at_60 Dude it's the '60's

[Pablo Manríquez @PabloReports]

BREAKING: Over 100 priests arrested in Minneapolis for protesting ICE in Minnesota where today it's -21 degrees outside MSP Airport.

The clergy gathered in prayerful solidarity to demand airlines — especially @Delta and Signature Aviation — cease contracting deportation flights to DHS.

So far, over 2,000 deportations have gone through MSP, per organizers.

[Maris4HOF @RMaris0961]

And Finally Tonight 🌙🎄. Thank you for making us apart of your day. This will do it for our programming today. Have a goodnight. ⚾️🎄🎁🎅🏻🥂 #Maris4HOF #RogerMaris

[Facts About Texas @FactsAboutTexas]

One of the last true Texas dance halls - The Broken Spoke! 🤠

[Above Average Joe @FantasyAvgJoe]

@FactsAboutTexas Eating there for lunch is massively underrated. The chicken fried steak with white gravy and tea is hard to find these days.

[Above Average Joe @FantasyAvgJoe]

@allinkid To anyone who reads @allinkid 's above post: if you're one of the people who crashes out because a fantasy analyst's rankings/analysis isn't correct in a given week then maybe this is the wrong hobby for you. Pick a new extracurricular and let these guys enjoy their job.

[Aric DiLalla @AricDiLalla]

Milestone watch:

With 244 passing yards + 2 TD passes in Week 16 against the Jaguars, Bo Nix would become the third player in NFL history with at least 3,500 passing yards and 25 touchdown passes in each of his first two seasons.

He'd join Peyton Manning and Justin Herbert.

[Above Average Joe @FantasyAvgJoe]

@DKSportsbook What the f*ck

[Above Average Joe @FantasyAvgJoe]

@Be_Believing Delete the whole thing