Farcical Father

A Dad trying to provide a little levity and inspiration to the cavernous abyss you call a life.

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/NlgHOXe3Vq

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

I went in to Costco on the way home from First Aid for cheddar and Zoa. I came out with a feed. #LetsGo #LemonButterBasted #Mussels https://t.co/JIfHnXTbMe

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/pmPmlVGiFe

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

Attack today with an energy that is positive, relentless, and unexpectedly powerful. Watch how the room changes when you lead with enthusiasm. #LeadersSmile #LeadersLaugh #LeadersLead #CarrotsAreJustVeggieSticks https://t.co/StGufEl0qh

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

#SmileMore #ItsGoodForYou https://t.co/1bRtOIluRD

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

When you think of two adults thoughtfully writing poems about each other, you don’t think of rappers. But here we are tough guys. #Facts #BeefingRappers #Poets

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

While in the bath my 3.5 year old son informed my wife that his penis was super strong.........

#DadLife #Ummm #AnswerThat

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

Have you ever had a bowl movement so large, so vicious, so visceral that attempts to use toilet paper seem fruitless and you feel like you just need a shower?

Yeah, me neither.

#DadLife #UpTheBack #BigPoo #Messy

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

For years I was against organ transplants.

Then, I had a change of heart.

#DadLife #DadJokes #PunFun #SmileMore #Words

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

I hear all these people who have such expansive bucket lists.

It’s embarrassing. Mine’s a little pail in comparison.

#DadLife #DadJokes #SmileMore

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?

Rocket.

#DadLife #DadJokes #SmileMore

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

My boss told me that as security, it’s my job to watch the office.

I’m on season 6 now but, I’m not really sure how it helps me with security.

#DadLife #GoodFun #KillsTime #Dwight

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

Salesmen. At the Tuxedo store. Dude hovers. Finally, I ask him to leave me alone to browse.

He says, “Fine. Suit yourself.”

#DadLife #SmileMore #GetIt #Seriously #KidsLoveMe

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

Just got back from a job interview. Not sure how it went. I was asked if could perform under pressure.

I said that I wasn’t too sure about that but I can do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.

#DadLife #DadJoke #Queen #ActionMovies #InterviewSkillz #WithAZ #SmileMore

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

What do you call friends you like to eat with?

Tastebuds

#DadLife #DadJokes #SmileMore #PunFun

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

What do you call a $1000 door?

A grand entrance.....

#Dadlife #DadJokes #SmileMore #MakeMoney

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony.

#GetIt #DadLife #DadJoke #DeepThoughts

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

When you die what part of your body is the last to stop working?

Your pupils.

They dilate.

#DadLife #DadJoke #Reading #SmileMore

[Farcical Father @FarcicalFather]

2nd eats EVERYTHING! Crumbs, hair, lint. Finds, eats. 1 didn’t. Been curious why. Today in my chair talking to the W before getting kids up. I spy a crumb, grab it, and mindlessly pop it in my mouth. Her mouth drops. “She gets it from you!” #DadLife #Genetic #IDontKnowWhatItWas