Fasil Malik

I'm 6ft3, a good shooter on the basketball court and a funny guy off of it.

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

I told my family that when I grow up I am going to be a stand-up comedian.They laughed until I started telling them jokes.#StandUpComedy

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

An🍎 a day keeps the Doctor away. Which clearly explains why you hardly see any of them married to Teachers. #fasilmalikcomedy #oneliner #doctorjoke #teachersrule

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

@bumble I am having trouble getting matches. Hopefully the swipe right button on their phones isn’t broken.

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

I figured out how to get women to swipe right on dating apps. Instead of calling it left. They should call it alt-right. #fasilmalikcomedy #cleancomedy #fasilicious #DatingAdvice #datingjoke #dating #single #singleladies #swiperight #tinder #bumble #relationship #swipe #comedian

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

A lot of people complain about cold fries. Not me. I actually like cold fries as I enjoy eating less junk food. #fasilmalikcomedy #cleancomedy #McDonalds #burgerking #wendys #fryhumour #oneliner #deadpanhumor #stevenwright #mitchhedberg #onelinerjoke #oneliners

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

My biggest weakness is reading a woman to see is she is interested in me. If she was to walk by and smile at me. I would think she did that because there was a stain on my shirt. #fasilmalikcomedy #fasilicious #cleancomedy #relationships #dating #fasilvoice #dating #datingjoke

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

If I was to kneel for marriage it would only be once. It’s so painful that I don’t want to have to divorce and do it again. Bend my knee obviously #fasilmalikcomedy #cleancomedy #fasilicious #marriagematerial #marriagejokes #relationshipjokes #marriage #kneeling #knee #fasilvoice

[mark normand @marknorm]

Grocery Store.

Bag Boy: Paper or plastic?

Customer: Whatever, you pick.

BB: Sorry, baggers can’t be choosers.

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

Next post: I don’t believe this for a second as since being elected Trump has yet to follow through on anything. #trump #fasilmalikcomedy #biden #cleancomedy #fasilvoice #donaldtrump #president #usa https://t.co/MVxVEK53Qn

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

The reason that I am still single is because I haven’t found the vaccine for COVID19 because if I did then we wouldn’t have to worry about social distancing. #fasilmalikcomedy #COVID19 #Quarantine #awkward #single #dating #vaccine #Corona #datingjoke #cleancomedy #tuesdayvibes

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

I figured out how to stop NFL players from kneeling during the national anthem. Have their girlfriends stand in front of them. #fasilmalikcomedy #nfl #protests #anthem #blacklivesmatter #cleancomedy #fasilvoice #mondaythoughts #ColinKaepernick #espn #FoxSports #fasilicious #laugh

[mark normand @marknorm]

No wonder batteries die, it's gotta hurt to never be included.

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

Cam Newton just signed a 1 yr contract with a city that Torii Hunter refused to sign with because their fans kept calling him the “N” word. The only way that 2020 can get worse is if our US Surgeon General is now Dr. Seuss. #camnewton #fasilmalikcomedy

https://t.co/OPfiGmeS0x

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

Ladies, if you ever want to go out with a comedian then be cautious as they will ever take it seriously especially the good ones. #fasilmalikcomedy #cleancomedy #jokes #relationshipjokes #comedian #pakistanicomedian #oneliner #singlejoke #fasilvoice #sundayvibes #Love #laugh

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

@realDonaldTrump Yout history with unnecessary capital letters will always be mocked. Respect is earned not given.

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

@realDonaldTrump Your caps lock key is broken.

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

@realDonaldTrump We need new material Donald!

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

I wish that we could have Alec Baldwin give Presidential press conferences instead of Donald Trump. A drunk Alec Baldwin would make a better leader than Trump. #fasilmalikcomedy #RIPGeorgeFloyd #fasilicious #blacklivesmatter #fasilvoice #deadpanhumor #onelinerjokes #comedian

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

If politicians are honest than I am Irish. #fasilmalikcomedy #cleancomedy #fasilicious #miamicomedy #fasilvoice #spillthebeanscomedy #broward #comedycentral #deadpanhumor #onelinerjokes #fun #britishhumour #stevenwright #ftlauderdale #comedian

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

Happy Memorial Day to those who suffered; Veterans, their family members and those adults that still think that Santa Claus is real. #fasilmalikcomedy #cleancomedy #fasilicious #fasilvoice #spillthebeanscomedy #comedycentral #deadpanhumor #britishhumour #stevenwright #comedian

[Fasil Malik @Fasilicious]

It would be cool if Santa Claus can give me the gift of presence. #fasilmalikcomedy #cleancomedy #fasilicious #miamicomedy #fasilvoice #spillthebeanscomedy #broward #comedycentral #deadpanhumor #onelinerjokes #fun #britishhumour #ftlauderdale #comedian #awkward #pakistani