Matt Fernandez

Comedian/writer - New special, Clownfish out on Youtube now! - Wrote for Playboy & College Humor - Tweets featured on Ellen & Kimmel - IG: @mattfernandezworld

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

Freedom of speech isn't freedom from repercussions. That's why everyone who works retail doesn't tell you to go fuck yourself.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

The part about a grown man not being able to handle your mouth. But I mean, congrats on your throat game.
https://t.co/bM4SieVQTw

[Asante Samuel @pick_six22]

What’s so gay about this tweet sir

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

It's great when hyper-masculine athletes are so dumb they actually circle all the way back around to sounding gay as hell.
https://t.co/58tVQ93HXW

[Asante Samuel @pick_six22]

AJ Brown wouldn’t be able to handle my mouth in practice. He would have been left Philly fucking with me

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

@DiscussingFilm Gamers: Make female characters hot!

[Makes hot female character]

Gamers: Stop putting girls in games!

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

@avitable @007GameIOI Im on a 70 in TV and it's like I'm hip firing the whole game.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

@007GameIOI Any chance you'll be making the reticle bigger or giving the option to edit? Might be nice to see where I'm shooting.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

@kylebaker107 SA if they come out and beat them down like the last game.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

There's going to be so much concentrated hate in OKC tonight, we might fuck around and manifest a demon, or give SGA a tumor.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

It's one thing to pretend to be black. But pretending to be hot is a step too far.
https://t.co/VITJqPSaUj

[TMZ @TMZ]

Rachel Dolezal, Who Once Claimed to Be Black, Builds Sex Career Years After NAACP Scandal https://t.co/B1blnRvVoF

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

@TotalProSports Dan Marino. Dude finished a 17 year career with 87 rushing yds. He was the definition of a statue. To put that in perspective, Peyton Manning, who was a bumbling ostrich when he ran, finished with 667 yds.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

If we can track the people who got off the Hantavirus cruise, we should also track everyone who gets off a Carnival cruise. Those people definitely got something.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

That's terrible [Searches for "child fight club" on Draftkings]
https://t.co/KVoDNjLaaH

[New York Post @nypost]

School director was 'ringleader' of child fight club https://t.co/GBf7vkY7PD

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

I need a better class of friend. I shouldn't even know Spirit went under.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

Our government started an Onlyfans.
https://t.co/xF2axqHGNq

[Leading Report @LeadingReport]

U.S. government is accepting donations to pay off its $39 trillion debt via PayPal and Venmo.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

Gotta get him at a school. It's the only place Americans can hit anything. Don't believe me? Where was Charlie Kirk shot?

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

My favorite game to play during the #nfldraft    is Can You Find The Agent?

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

@TristanWirfs78

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

The man is a legend. If he's forced to retire, he'll leave some big shoes to fill. Almost as big as his asshole.
https://t.co/JdNttrtd8R

[New York Post @nypost]

Legendary Spanish matador can't eat, sleep and suffered 'immense pain' from gruesome rectal goring injury https://t.co/qm0fK34uwv

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

I read the Michael Jackson movie ends with the 1988 tour of Bad. That's like making a Ted Bundy biopic that just ends with him being a successful politician.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

We got Blade in Harry Potter before we got Blade in the MCU.
https://t.co/xkNHOf1LEp

[Culture Crave 🍿 @CultureCrave]

First look at Paapa Essiedu as Snape in the 'Harry Potter' series

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

I try to convince myself that mocking someone's accent is wrong. But have you ever heard an Australian person say "tattoos?" Jesus Christ...