Petty Crocker

Person. Woman. Writer. Deviant. Browncoat. Rabble Rouser. Crybaby. Bitch. Proud. #BloggessTribe #BloggessPals #BlackLivesMatter

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

@wiremxther One person. Easier to kill.

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

@NBA Hey @NBA what are you planning to do about the egregious officiating that makes the league look like WWE?

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

@detroitsux You must be a blast at parties.

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

@brianbad777 @forallcurious You should go for a swim.

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

I've been #Mariahlated by a fucking Mcdonald's commercial. That is NOT how I was expecting that to happen.

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

Ok they have taken away the one that swung on a cop. The three remaining people are now fighting about whose fault it is that the other girl found out. None of this has cleared anything up. Rude.

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

#DearVeryLoudNeighbors
Please up the volume on your drama. #INeedMoreInfo. Who locked the keys in the room? Whose mama are we insulting? #WhoCheated? Why are 4 of you screaming? Are you a couple or a throuple?
Sincerely,
#YourVeryNosyNeighbor

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

You ever notice how it's rarely well put together people outside screaming at 11pm? These four people don't have one complete outfit combined. #ThankGoodnessForBinoculars

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

Me @ 2am last night: I really want Dolly Parton & Golden Girls tumblers but I can't find any that I like. I bet I can make my own.

::googles furiously::

Me @ 3am last night: Ha! I CAN make my own! It will only cost me about $500!

Me at 10am today: Why are all these tabs open?

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

It's a terrifying experience. Men have no idea of the Law & Order highlight reel that plays in our heads when a creepy dude creeps. So dudes. Start intervening and stop telling us not to be polite. It's not politeness, it's self preservation. 3/3

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

I keep seeing videos on tiktok and facebook telling women that they don't have to be polite to men that creep them out. It would be great if we didn't have to but how do we know which ones are JUST creepy and which ones will get insulted and hurt us? 1/3

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

I don't experience this as much as other women. Probably because I'm a tall, fat, 40 year old Karen looking white woman with a permanent bitch face, a Staten Island sneer (#ifyouknowyouknow), a NY accent, and no indoor voice. But even I have experienced it and let me tell you 2/3

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

Hey @GWR What is the world record for most chemotherapy treatments received? I couldn't find it on your website.

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

@RJBraxton2 @panther_bot @FkYrCouch @AntiVax_Now4Vax @PadresSanchez @QuoteDigging @JohnCollins_KP bro all he did was ask a question. why would you assume he's going massive debt?

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

@panther_bot

[Petty Crocker @FaultyHomemaker]

I just looked deeply into my husband's eyes, let out a looong whistler, and collapsed into giggles. In case you were wondering what the secret of our love is.