Vent/Backup account.

This is a vent/backup account for me now.

Fuck off....

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

So this is going to be 1 long fucking post.

What is here is what has been going on in sorealizationsons have had. Some problems still going on that won't be resolved any time soon.

And just where my mental state

By clicking and reading into the comments you'll know my irl life

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

almost lost my cat gave me a massive fucking heart attack! I got her back with some help from my friends! So so thing again Do to the loosing them then getting them back just fuck!

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

The last few weeks have been a mixed-grab bag of shit.

first, I mostly got over my trauma and shit with my mother so YAY!

THEN! My boo and me go on a hardcore break due to his new schedule and training for his new job. so-so momment, since just I love him fucking miss him>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

NEXT! I got my Sanji lighter I ordered like almost a month and 2 weeks ago! I fucking love it its perfect ah! Makes smoking joints just feel all the more amazing! just mmm suck a fucking good nerdy thing that I earned for myself!

THEN MY MOTHER! looses my brothers cat!>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

I'm a horrible boyfriend! 😢😢😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😫😫😫😫😫

I mixed up the 12 that my boyfriend meant....Or if he meant 12 my time or his!

I don't know but, we could have talked if I didn't get them mixed up!

I just wanted to hear from him again this break is killing me! 😭😭

[BlueHedgehog @BlueHedgehog649]

Oh, Hickman's Ultimate Spider-Man is gonna be something special ❤️

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

One last thing to conclude it all.

Please just bear with me as I try and handle all of this shit....I'll be around, Lurking in DMs or on the TL

I'll make a few posts here and there just please understand this is the shit I'm going through and I'm trying to handle it all.

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

However, it doesn't make handling all of it at once any better for my mental health.

Some of the problems mainly the biggest ones. Cant be resolved by me in any way shape or form. And will just eventually end.

The ithers are a slow thing to work on that will take months>√

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

to fix and see results.

-------------------------------------

So if you made it down here and read all of that, I want to say thank you.

I know hearing me bitch about my problems isn't great but it's better to get this shit out I've been told.

So thank you for reading>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

and even tho me and my boyfriend are going through a....rough patch... he hasn't broken my trust yet...

and I'm giving him a chance because I genuinely love him and care about him, and long distance shit is a struggle.

But I suppose things are getting better>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

That I'm not useless...that I matter....That thing will get better...

and it kind of has...my roommates have been helping me get my thoughts off my mother out....all the crying I've wanted to do the anger, the regret all of it....I feel emtpy for a bit then I feel better>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

My state of mind is a fucking train wreck however the past 3-4 months have been a growing period of sorts.

Due to multiple people kind of dragging shit out of me, and forcing me to get shit out. I have let some shit go kind of.........I now tell myself I am worthy of love>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

Combine that with my mothers abandoning me at almost every chance she got while raising me.

has ingrained a deep-seated problem with being left behind, being truly alone, and a sense of "no one loves you".

-----------------------------------

Conclusion, A.K.A my state of mind>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

Feel better than to be left behind.

And throughout my whole dating life from like when I was 13 years old to the last person I dated when I was 20. Has either cheated on me or straight abandoned me.

[Current guy is...im not going to get into that since hes been good]>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

life.

My entire life, due to being seen as worthless and ignored by a vast majority of people throughout my entire life. I hate myself.

I see myself as a worthless sack of shit who deserves nothing at all. I'm just supposed to be there for others to make others>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

----------------------------------

Good segue into problem 3, self-image, former love life, trama.

I don't know exactly how to put it since all 3 kinds of mix.

So guess starts with self-image and my old love>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

Me and I are workout buds...and it's been helping but I just look in the mirror and even tho I've lost some weight and look different enough to be noticeable I just feel the same

The same fat ass that every person that you dated has abandoned. Just some worthless guy>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

properly do the jobs I was going to do in the marine core. with construction, I lost a lot of my upper body strength gained a lot of weight, and a lot of energy.

Up until recently, I've just been a fucking fat ass, but because of my roommate my father MC Sponsor>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

Drank. And while some may say "That's not bad" she's almost drank herself to death twice.

I saw my mother behind prison bars and glass when I was 13, my mother only cared about me when she could brag about me, she has abandoned me and my father multiple times taking the car>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

Were shattered and dashed across the floor in half a second.........I wanted to kill myself and in all honesty, I came real close.

But then I talked myself out of it...However, I then started eating a lot, stopped working out...let myself go bad to the point I couldn't>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

To get into the marine core. I wanted to be like my dad, cousins, uncles, and grandpas.

I wanted to be in the U.S. military, however, come the day of the medical check-up. I was denied because I didn't even know I had but was in my medical record.

So 19 years of my life>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

So now daily Mother loses her fucking mind and slowly slits more and more into madness.

It's hard to watch especially since I'm her son.

-------------------------------------

Second problem, my own body.

So up untell 2020 my entire life I had been working my ass off>

[Vent/Backup account. @FeckOffImVentin]

And since my mom lost her job no one will higher her. She has too of experience, plus the medical bills, plus the fact that her brain going.

My dad needs help paying for the place so they can keep it.

So I have to live with them ya it helps me since nowhere is cheaper>