Claudia Kishi

totes grosseries

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

@littlehater420 Amazing, I wish I still smoked

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

Sometimes my brain is replaced with a very small paperweight

[Simba Ω 🏳️‍🌈🦄🦁 @abmis0]

*weezer beverley hills voice* mentally ill

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

Got banned for life from working in McDonald's on my first day for shouting YES McCHEF every time an order came in.

[Dan Carney @DanManCarney]

(Talking my way out of a DUI) yeah but if you drank as much as me you wouldn’t have made it this far

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume

me: yes that's when i didn't have a job

[brent @murrman5]

me when the shower won’t work: is this you craig or do I have to call a plumber?
the guy who haunts my house that I have a good relationship with: not me dawg

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

[holds a hotdog like a cigarette]

[🥀✨🪶 @ash_may_bite]

i bet most dudes would still boink a chick after learning she was a terminator

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

Is it ok if I name my daughter Massachusetts

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

A new townhouse development that's just rows and rows of Officer Big Mac Jails

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

Changed all the lighting in my house to vintage Bradley Doll lamps

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

"and they fly apart like leaves": me with a new paper towel roll

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

Are you there God? It's a me, Mario

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

Took my son Kleenex to the drive-thru for a happy meal and a mcskid

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

Alvin, Simon, Theodore Huxtable

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

The movie Tenet but it's called Kayak and everyone says kayak instead of tenet

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

This year I've essentially just watched the same cross-examinations on repeat

[Claudia Kishi @FifiSugar]

Happy to confirm I've completed my PhD in Sokology.