First Jimothy

The writings, sayings, wisdom and wit of the modern patriarchal sage, Jimothy. Not all tweets are original, satire & sarcasm are on the menu.

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

#LifeLesson: Your ability to see the silly in the serious goes a long way in coping with everyday life. #experience

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

@ACTBrigitte Slime

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

When asked to read the Bible passage...and realize you can’t prounounce most of the words...

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

Couples who need #marriagecounseling:

Pastor: Hey Joe! How are you?
Joe: Well, me and the little lady are having problems.
Pastor: Oh no! Can I help?
Joe: She says it's all me, that I have two faults. One is I don't listen, and the other I can't remember.

#church #badumtiss

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

@ChroniclesNate 55 MPH Speed Limit on Interstates

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

@Brink_Thinker Genius!

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

@ImJimR87 Congrats! It is an honor. I have 4 daughter and have had the privilege of performing the ceremony for them all.

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

We have so much to be thankful for!!

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

Dear Lord,

Please bless me with patience. Not opportunities to LEARN patience, but the actual patience.

#church #pastor

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

Couples who need #marriagecounseling :

Pet Store Employee: You’re buying a really large doghouse! What breed do you have?

Woman: My husband.

#marriage

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

#SmallGroup Icebreaker:

Leader: What is your favorite season?
Me: Of which show?
Him:
Me:
Him:
Me:
Me: Oh, you mean the weather!

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

Anyone else put something in a safe place, and forget where the safe place is?

#askingforafriend

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

"I've never been so hungry in my entire life." ~Me every two hours

#weightlossproblems

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

I 'm going to start referring to age as "levels." Saying I'm at level 55 sounds so much better than saying I'm getting old.

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

#church #pastor

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

#Church Foyer Conversation:

Him: How’re things?
Me: Fantastic!
Narrator: *Things were NOT fantastic.*

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

No...my posts have not been about you, but if the shoe fits feel free to lace it up!!

#justsayin

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

#same

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

Anyone else mentally say “Wed-nes-day” when writing the word Wednesday?

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

Nutritionist: You should only eat 1200 calories a day.
Me: OK, and how many at night?

#weightlossproblems

[First Jimothy @First_Jimothy]

God will never give you a schedule that is so full that there’s no time for Him.