Jason Allison

“Videographer” is just one of my many professions that have quotes around them.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

It’s been almost a week since Halloween. If your kids have any candy left, you haven’t properly taught them about taxation. #TaxationIsTheft

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

I stood up from the couch to go get some chips, when I sat back down my watch said I met my stand goal for the day. So ya, I work out.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

@blummer27 @JuliaMorales The boys have saved their sign for a few years and decided to bring it to Arlington! Section 212

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

The boys literally love @JuliaMorales and have been waiting years to have their sign autographed! Section 212 @GlobeLifeField

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

The boys literally love @JuliaMorales and have been waiting years to have their sign autographed! Section 212 @GlobeLifeField

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

@nickpjones @jaredcwilson Challenge accepted.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

There weren't enough podcasts on the internet. So we made one about Whiskey & Theology. https://t.co/b0JjY2DXIf

#whiskey #theology #christianity #calvinsim #tulip #southernbaptist #theologyontap #reformed

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

Still haven't figured out what a karate lunch is...

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

I'm not sure what this is but I'm kinda sad I wasn't invited.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

Behold, I will be with you always... but just in case this is only $6.99

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

I don't know that this state of the union address tweet ever got the laughs it deserved.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

There's a giant American flag on stage, lots of suits and ties, and everyone somehow knows exactly when to standup and sit down. If it wasn't for all the democrats, I'd think I was watching a southern baptist church service. #SOTU

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

Today feels like a good day to retweet some of my own jokes.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

I’m thinking about getting a new car. This new Ford model is perfect. Reviewer Pontius Pilate says “I find no fault...”

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

@ATTSportsNetSW @astros #StrosTuesday been taking the family to the park for years now, but Dorothy finally made her first appearance.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

Ok it’s been closer to 45 minutes now and we did have a conspiracy theorist speak slightly louder than appropriate. But he’s done now

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

We’ve been sitting on our airplane for 35 minutes while they fix something. No one has thrown a fit yet. Only @SouthwestAir can keep people happy for this long.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

@SouthwestAir on-board wifi is the McDonald’s ice cream machine of the sky.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

“Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it” is just a fancier way of saying “There’s always money in the banana stand.” #HarryPotter #ArrestedDevelopment

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

Today in our household, there was a question about the author of Pilgram’s Progress. A quick image search suggests John Bunyan had a lazy eye and enjoyed watching NASCAR.

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

@emschumacher If you’re doing church music you really only need 1,4,5 6m anyway :) but @wrshpinitiative has some helpful lessons on it

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

The enneagram is just Hogwarts Houses for Christian school kids who weren’t allowed to read Harry Potter. #HarryPotter #homeschool #christianschool

[Jason Allison @Flatmonkeys]

We made these this morning and my son started singing “Scatter My Gravy on Beautiful Biscuits.” So that’s what I’m going to call this recipe now. Also… it was delicious. @andrewosenga