Precisely C.S. Lewis's point in The Screwtape Letters: the enemy doesn't need to ruin you, he only needs to distract you.
Screwtape finds that a reliable way to lead a patient to hell is to distract him with jargon, for instance. Have the patient evaluate ideas not by their content but by their labels ensures that he never engages meaningfully with their content.
Another method is to fix his attention on the "stream of immediate sense experiences," so that his mind is drawn away from universal issues and he no longer thoughtfully engages with things that matter.
The path to hell is not so much paved by grand sins than it is by small, constant distractions from what really matters. The path to goodness begins with reclaiming your attention, and turning your eyes from the endless stream.
Wasting time "doomscrolling" is not neutral. It distracts you from doing good in the world.
Medicine's record on the man who turned out to be right is the record of what it did to him first.
Semmelweis, 1847: doctors should wash their hands between the mortuary and the maternity ward. Ridiculed, sacked, died in an asylum in 1865. Accepted twenty years after his death.
Alice Stewart, 1956: an x-ray of a pregnant woman gives the child cancer. Ignored by every radiologist in the country. Accepted twenty-five years later.
Kilmer McCully, 1969: homocysteine damages arteries, and cholesterol is not the whole story. Eased out of Harvard. Accepted thirty years later.
John Yudkin, 1972: sugar, not fat, is the killer. Career buried by the fat men, conferences closed to him, died out of print. Accepted forty years later.
Stanley Prusiner, 1982: a protein with no genes can be infectious. Laughed at in the corridors. Nobel Prize, 1997.
Barry Marshall, 1984: stomach ulcers are an infection. Drank the bacteria to prove it because nobody would run the trial. Nobel Prize, 2005.
Frances Kelsey, 1960: refused to license thalidomide because the data was thin. Called obstructive for two years. Then the babies were born.
Every one of them was outnumbered by a consensus, and the consensus was wrong every single time it was counted.
Consensus is not a form of evidence. It is a form of employment.
The man who carried the cross for Jesus didn't volunteer.
He was grabbed.
Mark 15:21. And they compelled one Simon the Cyrenian, who passed by, coming out of the country, the father of Alexander and Rufus, to bear his cross.
Picture it. A man walking into Jerusalem from the fields, minding his own business, and a Roman soldier's hand lands on his shoulder. You. The beam. Now.
Cyrene was in North Africa, modern Libya. Over a thousand kilometers from Jerusalem. Simon had made that journey for Passover, the holiest week of the year, and on the biggest morning of the feast he took the wrong street.
Now look at the word Mark uses. Compel.
In Greek it's angareuō. It comes from the old Persian courier system: a royal messenger could stop any civilian and requisition his horse, his cart, his back. Rome kept the custom. A legionary could grab any man on the road and make him carry the army's load, no questions asked. It was the most hated power the occupier had.
You've heard that word before. Jesus used it.
Matthew 5:41. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
Same verb. Angareuō.
Jesus stood on a hillside and told a crowd: when the soldier grabs you and makes you carry his load, don't just go the one mile the law requires. Go two.
Two years later, a soldier grabbed a man who had never heard that sermon and made him carry the Preacher's own cross.
Then Luke adds his detail.
Luke 23:26. On him they laid the cross, that he might bear it after Jesus.
After Jesus. Behind Him. Following.
Now flip back fourteen chapters in the same book. Luke 9:23. If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Luke wrote both sentences. He knew exactly what he was doing. Jesus preached take up your cross and follow me and the first human being in history to do it literally was a stranger from Libya who was forced.
Think about what Simon actually carried.
By the time the soldiers grabbed him, Jesus had already been scourged. Roman whips had lead and bone in the tips. His back was open. He'd been carrying the beam on it. The wood was wet.
Simon put that wood on his own shoulders. And walked behind Jesus, close enough to watch His back, the back Isaiah had written about seven hundred years earlier. I gave my back to the smiters.
He went to Golgotha with the blood of Christ soaked into his clothes.
Not a disciple. Not a believer. Not a volunteer. Just the man closest to the wrong soldier at the wrong moment.
And then Mark does something strange.
He names Simon's sons. Alexander and Rufus.
Why? Mark doesn't name the thieves on the cross. He doesn't name the centurion. He doesn't name the servant girl who broke Peter. But he stops the crucifixion narrative to tell you who Simon's kids were.
There's only one reason a writer does that.
His readers knew them.
The early church was unanimous that Mark wrote his gospel in Rome. And Paul, writing to the church in Rome, ends his letter with a list of greetings.
Romans 16:13. Salute Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother and mine.
Rufus. In Rome. A man Paul singles out as chosen. And a mother Paul says had mothered him too.
Many scholars think that's Simon's son and Simon's wife.
If they're right, and it is the simplest explanation for Mark's detail, then here is what happened to the man who was grabbed on the road.
He went home to a wife and two boys, with another man's blood on his coat, and something he saw on that hill went through the whole household. Thirty years later his sons are known by name in the church in the capital of the empire. His wife is looking after the apostle Paul like a son.
Simon never says a word in the Bible. We have no record of his conversion, no sermon, no prayer. We only have the fruit. Two boys the church knew. A mother Paul loved.
He was forced to carry the cross one mile.
His family carried it for the rest of their lives.
Now you.
You didn't volunteer for the thing on your back either. Nobody does. You were walking in from the country, minding your own life, and a hand landed on your shoulder. The diagnosis. The child who needs more than you have. The grief you're still standing in. The debt. The parent who can't remember your name.
Ask Simon how it felt on Friday morning. Worst luck of his life. Ruined his Passover. A stranger's blood on his shoulders.
Ask him by Sunday.
The thing you were forced to carry is the only reason his name is in the Bible.
And notice where he was standing while he carried it.
Luke told you. After Jesus.
The forced cross is never carried alone. You're behind Him. He's already walked that road with a worse version of the same beam, and He's in front of you right now, close enough to see His back.
You didn't choose it.
Pick it up anyway.
He's in front of you.
Between egypt where you were enslaved and canaan where you were promised lies the desert, and the desert is God. if you want to meet God you have to walk through the desert. exodus isn't just a narrative. you have to get out of egypt, you have to put blood on the door to leave, you have to pass through the waters, and then you're alone with God, alone in the heat and sand, and if you can handle that, if you can take forty years of God stripping everything from you, forty years of God showing you what you really are without the jewels and garlands of egypt, then maybe, if you're lucky, you get to canaan where you can plant. but most people never leave egypt, and the ones who do turn around at the first sandstorm. the desert is where God speaks to all men, but few can bear to listen
AND GOD REMEMBERED.
There is something about that sentence in the Bible that has always moved me.
And God remembered Noah.
And the waters began to recede.
And God remembered Rachel.
And He opened her womb.
And God remembered Hannah.
And she conceived and gave birth to Samuel.
And God remembered Israel.
And He remembered His covenant with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and began the process of bringing them out of Egypt.
And then I think about us.
God knows you by name.
He knows when you were born and He knows the day your earthly journey will end.
He knows the desires you have never told anyone about.
He knows when you pray.
He knows when you are suffering.
He knows when you are drowning.
He knows the battles you fight quietly.
He knows what you need.
He knows everything.
But sometimes I think knowing is not the same as remembering.
Because there is a difference between knowing someone exists and suddenly having them cross your mind.
You can be sitting on your couch, doing absolutely nothing, and suddenly remember a friend you haven't spoken to in months.
You pick up your phone.
You call them.
You send them money.
You check on them.
You bless them.
Nothing changed about the friend.
You simply remembered them.
And I love that the Bible repeatedly tells us that God remembered people.
Not because He had forgotten that they existed.
God does not forget His people.
It is a beautiful way of telling us that the time came for God to turn His attention to their situation and act.
Noah was still in the ark.
Rachel was still waiting.
Hannah was still praying.
Israel was still suffering.
And then...
God remembered.
So today, that is my prayer for someone.
May God remember you.
May He remember the prayer you have prayed until you are tired of praying it.
May He remember the desire you have carried quietly in your heart.
May He remember the tears nobody saw.
May He remember the place where you have been drowning.
May He remember your children.
May He remember your home.
May He remember your work.
May He remember your finances.
May He remember the door you have been knocking on.
May He remember you in a way that makes you look back one day and say,
“Surely, God remembered me.”
And perhaps you don't have to move a finger today.
Perhaps you don't have to force anything.
Perhaps you don't have to chase it.
Perhaps, somewhere in the mysterious workings of God, your name is about to cross His mind.
And when God remembers...
things begin to move.
Today,
I hope God remembers you.
I later realized the video didn’t have sound so here is the video with sound.
My name is Assumpta. I’m a Nigerian creative living with cerebral palsy and this is my story
Your belief in me will be the reason I get a chance at ACCESS. Thank you 🤍
https://t.co/180QFfKdTN
ZOOM OUT & focus.
Too many focus on a narrow view, they zoom in without realizing that zooming out changes the perspective.
I'm working hard to change my perspective.
So I don’t know who needs to see this… but many years ago, I played with the idea of suicide.
I wanted money. I didn’t have money. I felt horrible that I didn’t have money. And the brilliant solution my frustrated brain offered was:
“Hey broke ass, why don’t you step in front of that fast-moving car and end this nonsense?”
I thank God I didn’t do it. Because over the years I’ve realised two things:
Number One: …why exactly did I want to do that???
Number Two: Money is not that deep. It’s actually easy to attract.
But before you understand money, you have to understand time; I mean - if you’re doing press-ups or plank, one minute starts to feel like one hour…
But if you’re watching your favourite TV show, one hour feels like five minutes. You feel me?
So what this proves is that our perception of time is, forgive my Chinese; fecked.
Let me break it down with the story of an “uncle” I know.
He’s 54. Fit. Sharp. Can still compete with a 32-year-old guy for his girl - and win - purely on charisma.
Great guy.
He drives a G-Wagon.
Owns multiple houses across Nigeria.
Rich dude. He casually sleeps at Transcorp Hilton for a week just to chill; which, if you know those prices, is financial suicide for most people.
Now, if you meet this man while you’re struggling, your first instinct is despair.
You’ll be thinking:
“Lord, will I ever reach this level?”
His level will feel unreachable.
But that despair comes from a broken sense of time.
Success doesn’t take as long as you think: the problem is you’re looking at everything from a short-term perspective.
Most of this guy’s wealth was built in 17 years; started his business the same year Umaru Musa Yar’Adua became President. He locked in. Focused. Went hard like a beast. And life rewarded him.
Now here’s the problem: 17 years sounds long to you, and that’s exactly why most people never make it.
People think their current situation is so serious, so permanent: because they refuse to zoom out and see what 17 years of focused work can create.
And because of that refusal, they despair.
And because they despair, they don’t try.
And because they don’t try… 17 years passes anyway.
And they’re still exactly where they are.
Let’s bring this home:
iFitness founders took 9 years to reach a $12 million exit (2015–2024)
Paystack took 5 years to hit $200 million acquisition (2015–2020)
I’m not saying you’ll build the next Paystack. I’m saying: look at what is possible in the same 5 - 9 years you keep calling “too long.”
To show you how FAST that time really is, look at what happened in the last 5–9 years:
- EndSARS was 5 years ago
- COVID-19 was 5 years ago
- Kobe Bryant died 5 years ago
- Queen Elizabeth died 3 years ago
Yet all these things feel like they happened yesterday: the same amount of time it took to build a $200M company.
Do you see the point now? Here it is, very simple:
Stop running around. Lock in. On one thing. It doesn’t matter what you feel right now or what you are going through: your life can transform beyond your imagination in the next 5 years if you simply FOCUS and build.
Don’t despair
Satan is not opposed to good morals.
He’s opposed to Jesus Christ.
Read that again because most Christians miss this completely.
Satan doesn’t care if you’re a “good person.” He doesn’t care if you volunteer at the food bank, recycle your trash, and help old ladies cross the street. He doesn’t care if you’re kind, generous, and well-liked by everyone in your community.
He cares that you don’t bow the knee to Jesus.
Here’s the deception that’s damning millions:
Satan has convinced people that morality equals spirituality. That being a “good person” is the same as being a Christian. That if you just live right, treat people well, and avoid the “big sins,” you’re acceptable to God.
This is a lie straight from the pit of hell.
The Pharisees had impeccable morals. They followed the law meticulously. They were respected, disciplined, and religiously devoted.
Jesus called them children of the devil.
Why? Not because their morals were bad. Because their morals replaced Christ.
Satan’s greatest trick isn’t making bad people worse. It’s making good people think they don’t need a Savior.
Think about it:
The atheist who feeds the homeless thinks he’s good enough without God.
The Buddhist who meditates and practices compassion thinks she’s enlightened without Christ.
The Muslim who prays five times daily thinks he’s righteous without Jesus.
The moral Christian who goes to church, pays his tithe, and avoids scandal thinks he’s saved without surrender.
All of them are headed to the same place: eternal separation from God.
Because morality doesn’t save. Jesus saves.
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9
Satan loves moral people who reject Jesus. They’re his best advertisement for the lie that you can earn your way to heaven.
They’re living proof that you can:
•Be kind without Christ
•Be generous without God
•Be disciplined without the Holy Spirit
•Be respected without redemption
And still be lost.
The most dangerous people in hell won’t be the murderers and rapists. They’ll be the moral, upstanding citizens who thought their goodness was good enough.
Their morals became their idol. Their goodness became their god.
And Satan smiled because he’d accomplished his goal: Keep them from Jesus.
Here’s what most Christians don’t understand:
Satan doesn’t need to make you do bad things. He just needs to keep you from doing the ONE thing that matters: surrendering to Christ.
If he can get you to:
•Trust your morals instead of Christ’s sacrifice
•Rely on your goodness instead of God’s grace
•Believe in your works instead of Jesus’ finished work
He’s won.
You can live a moral life and still die lost. You can be a good person and still face judgment. You can avoid all the “big sins” and still end up separated from God forever.
Because the only sin that damns you eternally is rejecting Jesus Christ.
“He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.” John 3:36
Not the murderer who repents and believes in Christ is damned.
Not the thief who turns to Jesus on the cross is damned.
Not the prostitute who washes Jesus’ feet with her tears is damned.
The moral, religious person who rejects Christ is damned.
That’s why Satan loves morality without Jesus. It sends people to hell with a smile on their face, convinced they were good enough.
Stop trusting your morals. Start trusting Jesus.
Your goodness won’t save you. Your works won’t redeem you. Your morality won’t justify you.
Only the blood of Jesus Christ can wash away your sin and make you acceptable to a holy God.
Everything else is just Satan’s distraction from the one thing that actually matters.
@Akintola_steve Turing is not a scam, it's a legit platform and I have done work for them for around a year.
Things are highly organized there as compared to their peers like mercor and micro
I'VE DONE MY BEST. PLEASE HELP ME🙏
I'm Victor Olabisi, a UNIBEN Pharmacy student selected for the @fasuafrica Mentorship Programme at the 12th All Africa University Games, Cairo 2026.
I've raised ₦500K, but I still need ₦1.5M to represent West Africa in the program in Egypt.
I'VE DONE MY BEST. PLEASE HELP ME🙏
I'm Victor Olabisi, a UNIBEN Pharmacy student selected for the @fasuafrica Mentorship Programme at the 12th All Africa University Games, Cairo 2026.
I've raised ₦500K, but I still need ₦1.5M to represent West Africa in the program in Egypt.
Catholics and Images of Saints.
In 2011, Floribeth Mora Diaz was cured instantly of an inoperable terminal brain tumor through the intercession of Pope Saint John Paul 2nd. The evidence of her cure wasn't based on her testimony or the testimony of any priest, it was confirmed by a team of independent specialists including agnostics and non Catholics.
The criteria for validating such a miraculous healing is that it must be INSTANTANEOUS, COMPLETE, PERMANENT AND ENTIRELY WITHOUT MEDICAL EXPLANATION.
A French nun got healing from advanced Parkinson's disease from intercession of same Pope Saint John Paul the 2nd. Scientifically verified.
In 1995, a certain Consiglia De Martino got instantly healed from a severe life threatening rupture of the thoracic duct through intercession of St Padre Pio.
Go to google and search for all these. Catholic Church doesn't own Google, these information are there. I can go on and reel out scores of such scientifically verified miracles through the saints.
I don't doubt miracles, I just don't accept the testimony of any priest or pastor who doesn't provide evidence when questioned, or give adequate information for third party verification.
Now, this is not about whether using images is idolatory or not, I already treated that issue with copious biblical references. In 2Kgs 13:21, we read the story of Elisha's bones raising a dead man back to life. This and other biblical references give accentuations to the cult of the saints. Make no mistakes about it, devotion to the saints and their intercessions are efficacious. Evidence dey choke.
However, this is about the attitudes of some Catholics to the cult of the saints. My patron saint is St John the Beloved (Evangelist). I also say the prayers to St Michael the Archangel and of course the Rosary as well. So I'm a strong devotee of the saints.
This is also not about how efficacious devotion to the saints are, I have already cited verifiable cases. This is about the EXAGGERATED and sometimes RIDICULOUS level some Catholics take the devotion to the saints to.
You come to some parishes, you see more than 5 images of different saints at different positions on the altar, this is besides the images of Our Lord Jesus Christ, Mother Mary and above all the TABERNACLE. That's not cool at all. In the church, we should have just the images of Mother Mary, the crucifix and the TABERNACLE. Every other image of saints should have their places elsewhere.
You come to the homes of some Catholics and you see their personal altars with multiple images of saints. Then some sew clothes to dress the images and make them up with lipsticks and powders as if their images are living beings, haba na🥴
How about the veneration of the skull or any part of a saint? I can say with certainty that the only image we venerate liturgically is the crucifix. We do it every sunday when we incense it and on a more profound note on Good Fridays. I don't think the veneration of the skull or any other part of any saint is necessary.
We definitely have Catholic fanatics who can take innocent devotions to unnecessary and dizzying heights. In fact, it is safe to say some Catholics commit 'image idolatory' and syncretism with such exaggerated pieties. Make we no over do abeg.
Let me come and be going. 🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️
Hebrews 12:11 NIV
[11] No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
https://t.co/V9yYUUsrVc
TO EVERY MAN CHASING SUCCESS, READ THIS TWICE:
Beware of 3 Gs on the road to success:
GOLD, GLORY & GIRLS.
They will come before the finish line. That's the trap.
Fix your eyes on the GOAL, not the glitter.
Ignore the pain — it's tuition.
Ignore the distractions — they are debt.
Ignore the noise — focus is expensive.
Even when quitting looks like the only option — DON'T.
Winners are not the most talented.
Winners are the last ones still standing.
Keep at it. Your finish line is closer than you think.
#SuccessMindset #Men #Discipline
On the issue of $28k not being a life changing money, let me tell you a little story.
Just before I started my internship, I met a woman who sold Canada dream to me, and I was so dedicated to the dream.
I did my internship in federal medical centre Owo in 2020, and most of my salary went to that woman.
Along the line I met a boss of mine. Who told me that he was a victim of this Canada immigration scam.
So I stop wasting my salary towards the scam.
He took me like his younger brother and we began to live like we’ve known each other for long.
His wife had travelled to the UK, and he was preparing to go join her.
This man was kind to everyone around him but he was a bit kinder to me.
If I call him that I’m hungry, he will pick me up to a restaurant. If I tell him I want to go home to see my parent, he will drive me to the park. I cannot count how many good gestures he has made to me..
At some point, some of his colleagues were jealous of me.. both male and female.
If they call him to hang out, he will take me along.
Intern among senior nurses, doctors and consultants..😂😂😂😂😂😂
Long story short, he travelled to meet his wife and after 6months he returned for a reunion.
He invited me to his lodge... and he said “Ola when are you coming to the UK”
I said I don’t know yet, because I was already in my 3rd month of NYSC.
He said “As soon as you finish NYSC, meet me in the Uk”.
Then he send #80k to me.
That money was life changing.
I wrote IELTS with it.
When I told him I passed, he paid my initial application fee for NMC UK… (another life changing money)
And the journey began to make a lot of sense...
I saved a lot during my NYSC and I completed the rest of my journey.
As soon as I completed NYSC, I did not spend an extra month. I moved!
When I landed UK, I was dead broke. @Ses_Jnr sent me some money—- another life changing money. That was all I lived on till I got my first salary.
There is no money that cannot change your life. It only depends on what you intend to use the money to do as the circumstances surrounding the need for that money.
If you give a drug addict that 80k, how many “loud” can it buy?
If you give that same 80k to your materialistic girlfriend, she will tell you that it cannot buy a wig.
I had a focus, the money came at the right time and I used it accordingly.
Alhamdulillah, I now have multiples of that same money that someone would have called “a non-life-changing” money.
I remembered him last night and I just had to send him prayers.
Don’t allow anyone to fool you that $28k is not life changing. Especially in a country where more than 70% do not have a million naira in their account.
Someone gave you money to write an exam that is crucial towards a better job—life changing.
Someone gave you unlimited MTN data to learn a life changing skill— life changing.
Someone paid your house rent so that you can use your salary to focus on your startup— life changing.
Someone paid your school fees so that you can focus on your education —life changing.
A life changing money or opportunity doesn’t have to be big or loud, it only had to change your life in a way that many could not comprehend.
~FinestDove
I’m a Nigerian wildlife photographer, and every one of these photographs was captured by me, right here in Nigeria. 🇳🇬📸
Through my lens, I hope to show you the beauty, diversity, and wonder of our wildlife—and remind us that these animals are part of our natural heritage.
I hope these images inspire you to appreciate Nigerian wildlife, learn more about the animals we share our country with, and, most importantly, protect them for generations to come.
Nigeria’s wildlife is worth seeing.
Nigeria’s wildlife is worth protecting. ❤️🇳🇬
CREDIT: FATIMA YUSUF
#nigerianwildlife #wildlifephotography #conservation #photography #fatimayusuf #mfatimayusuf_ #nigeriannationalparkservice #wcsnigeria #wildlife
Some real truth here, and also a quiet trap.
Yes, your boss may not care about you the way you hoped. Protect your peace, your health, your evenings.
But be careful who you are actually punishing when you choose the bare minimum.
You are not working only for your boss. You are working on yourself.
Every problem you solve and every skill you sharpen, you carry out the door with you. That part is yours forever.
The reward for excellence is rarely the current employer. It is the next role, the raise somewhere better, the business you eventually start, the person you quietly become.
So do not overperform to impress a manager who will never notice.
Overperform to become undeniable.
There is a difference between grinding yourself down for someone else's dream and sharpening skills so rare that no boss ever controls your future.
Guard your energy. Never dull your edge.
If a computer slows down, you don't call it broken.
You just realize it has too many tabs open.
You aren't a failure.
You're just carrying too many open thoughts. Close a few today.
The neighbor's dog was barking at a tree.
My neighbor sighed. "He's barking up the wrong tree again."
I looked at the tree.
I looked at the dog.
The dog was certain.
A samurai respects certainty.
I climbed the tree.
At the top, on the highest branch, there was a kitten.
Small. Gray. Shaking.
I brought it down.
The dog stopped barking.
He looked at me like I had finally understood him.
I had.
He had not been wrong.
He had been unheard.
The kitten belonged to a family three streets away.
Their little girl had cried for two days.
When I returned it, she hugged the dog first.
Correct order.
The neighborhood now says the dog barks up the RIGHT tree.
He has a reputation.
He has found two more kittens and one lost drone.
People say I am the hero of the tree.
No.
I only climbed it.
The dog knew.
Listen to the ones who bark.
They are usually right about the tree.
Once upon a time, the apostles of Capitalism decreed that expropriation and import substitution ran contrary to the will of the gods of economics. Now it turns out, those things are perfectly legitimate Western strategies for trying to compete with China. Who knew?
Assuming that a severed snake head is harmless just because the body stops moving is a fatal mistake born out of total ignorance of basic cold-blooded biology.
People see a headless reptile lying still on a cutting board and assume the danger is gone, completely ignoring that cold-blooded organisms have an incredibly slow metabolic rate and lingering reflex arcs that keep their muscles and fangs operational for over an hour after decapitation.
When the chef picked up that cobra head, he wasn't dealing with a conscious animal, but a deadly, automated nerve response programmed to clamp down and discharge venom the moment a heat source or physical touch triggers the sensors.
This same principle applies in business, politics, and risk management: a threat isn't neutralized just because you dealt it a dramatic blow or cut off its visible leadership. If you get careless around a fallen threat before its residual momentum and lingering power have completely dissipated, the dead system will still bite back and destroy you before you even realize you are in danger.
Many men fall in love with women with good accent and beautiful faces, but failed to take their time to understand women for whom they are.
Do you actually think a woman whom you marry without scrutinising her value system will marry you and never shit-test you?
If you do, then you don’t know enough about women.
Even the best among women is still a woman.
See, marriage does not automatically kill ego, pride, comparison or the temptation to find out exactly how much a man will tolerate.
Let me tell you the phases you may experience when you marry a woman who finds it difficult to submit.
Phase 1: She looks up to you.
In the beginning, there is admiration.
She asks what you think. She respects your decisions. She sees you as the man she chose and is comfortable following your direction.
Everything is peaceful because your position has not yet been seriously challenged.
Phase 2: She starts comparing herself to you.
Familiarity removes some of the mystery.
Now she knows your weaknesses.
She knows what you earn. She knows where you struggle. She knows the mistakes you make.
Then comparison begins.
“If I can do this, why should he decide?”
“If I earn this much, what exactly makes him the head?”
That is where admiration can slowly turn into calculation.
Phase 3: Comparison becomes competition.
She no longer wants merely to contribute.
She wants to establish that her judgement carries the same authority as yours.
Every decision becomes a negotiation.
Every disagreement becomes an opportunity to establish territory.
You think you are discussing an issue.
Sometimes you are actually negotiating who leads the home.
Phase 4: She decides where she believes you stand.
Eventually, she makes an assessment.
Either she believes she married a man she respects enough to follow, or she convinces herself that she settled for less.
Once a woman starts believing she settled beneath herself, expect the dynamics of the relationship to change.
Phase 5: She starts acting first and informing you later.
This is where you hear:
“I’ve already decided.”
“I was going to tell you.”
“I didn’t think I needed to ask you.”
She makes the decision and then “carries you along.”
Understand the difference.
You are no longer leading the decision.
You are receiving minutes from a meeting that already happened.
Phase 6: Your resistance becomes the problem.
When you finally object, the conversation changes.
The issue is no longer what she did.
The issue becomes your reaction to what she did.
Now you are “controlling.”
You are “insecure.”
You are “too traditional.”
The argument gets moved away from her defiance and placed on your refusal to tolerate it.
Phase 7: She tests whether your boundaries have consequences.
This phase is crucial.
She crosses a line and watches.
You complain.
Nothing happens.
She crosses another.
You shout.
Nothing changes.
Eventually she discovers something dangerous:
Your anger has no consequence.
Your boundaries are merely speeches.
Once someone discovers that your “NO” eventually becomes “fine, do whatever you want,” they have learnt exactly how much pressure is required to defeat you.
Phase 8: She brings reinforcement.
When she cannot defeat your position inside the marriage, she may take the argument outside it.
Now her mother knows.
Her sisters know.
Her friends know.
Sometimes pastors, imams, counsellors or whichever third party she believes will strengthen her position are invited into a disagreement that originally belonged between husband and wife.
And notice what can happen:
The question quietly changes from “Who is right?” to “How many people agree with me?”
Now you are not arguing with one person.
You are arguing against a committee.