Fred Fedewa

Writer of Fredisms.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@vinn_ayy That's okay. I have the bladder of a small squirrel.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@BitImprov Cool.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@jojofoshosho0 Congratulations on the PR.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

One good thing about working from home the day after Halloween is taking Halloween candy into the office.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

Twenty minutes to put on a new fitted sheet seems about right.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@EdenGrovePod Not a complaint, but a request for help. I don't get around like I used to, so I'm looking for someone to reroof my three story, five bedroom, 5,200 square foot house. Preferably a young high school student who'd like to earn a little extra money.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

I’m so fat I clip my toenails by sound.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

Me, talking to myself, deciding whether or not to sweep the patio before I grill on July 4th, "Nah. It's just going to be covered with leaves again in October".

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@SoftKnox Femur felony.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@SoftKnox Just for eye teeth?

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@cupofkyle Every restaurant does, if you drive fast enough.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@cupofkyle I think chickens would explode.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@ChiPartyAunt Thankful he wasn’t there to get toilet paper.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

First rule of serving a grilled cheese sandwich to a guest-Burnt side down.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

With all the destroyed dog toys in my house, I don’t vacuum. I rake.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@vinn_ayy Me everyday of sweet corn season July and August.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

I’m at a point in my life when all the food in my cabinets, cupboards or shelves is organized by fiber content.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

I’ve spent this winter searching my coat pockets for either a mask, my fogged-up glasses or the other glove.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@cupofkyle Every president gets a ribbon.

[Fred Fedewa @FredFedewa]

@vinn_ayy Every president gets a ribbon.