A SHORT PLAY FOR TWO ACTORS (ONE SHAVEN, ONE NOT)
ACT 1.
INT. PUB - AFTERNOON
MAN sits down at bar, begins to stroke beard mysteriously.
ACT 2.
INT. PUB - NIGHT
OTHER MAN (Having finally plucked up courage): Oi, do you mind? That's my beard.
THE END
#SFFiction
To the relief of pensioners everywhere, rumours of an impending Werther's Originals shortage have been definitively butterscotched today. "Mmph… schmmph… justaminute…," said a spokesman for the beloved brand, before finally finishing his sweet & blaming "the internet".
#vss365
'Synaesthesia', explained the perfume taster, replacing the spitoon. 'Now if you'd be so kind as to pass me that beaker?'
'This one? But… it doesn't smell of anything?'
'Yes, exactly. A little sip of Neutradol between samples, it does wonders to clear the palate.'
#vss365#taste
I woke up bereft (but in the key of B#). Not an auspicious start to the day.
–What's eating you? asked my wife.
–I woke up #bereft, I said. In the key of B#
–There is no B#, she said flatly. If you're anything, you're C-reft
–C-reft, I said. I'm not sure I'm capable…
1/2
#vss365
TIPS FOR A BROKEN KEYBOARD
· If for whatever reason u are unable to write 'night', simply write the word 'evening' instead & change the typeface to bold
· In the event of broken CAPS LOCK & SHIFT, write solely in whispers, of little to no importance, addressed to no-one
#vss365
Hyphen: #solder for words
*
"When soldered together, on the other hand, a pair of cans is often referred to as Siamese tins*…"
*Disambiguation. See also: conjoined toucans (colloquial names)
*
Eyesight failing, the old electrician, nonetheless, soldered on…
#vss365
At the back of every mirror shop is a small well-lit room with hooks on the walls, where you can hang up any mirrors you're thinking about buying and try on the reflections.
The National Museum of Taxidermy—closed in unfortunate circumstances, late last December—will finally reopen, following extensive renovations and repairs, as Britain's first and only #wolpertinger museum, early next spring.
#vss365
· The scientific name for an #ocelot kitten is an 'ocelittle'
· The world population of ocelots is ~800,000 — if you enter the ocelottery today, you have about a 1 in 800,000 chance of winning
· With a top speed of 61 kph, the fastest species of ocelot is the velocelot
#vss365
I met my #doppelganger once.
Or vice versa, perhaps…
Anyway, the whole thing was a little awkward, to be honest.
Secretly, I think, we'd both been hoping, that if we had one, he'd be just a bit better looking.
#vss365
@writedowndrain It feels about right :) But then if you bring in perspective... and relativity & time dilation... it all gets, um, pretty piece-of-stringy.
It turned out the #dust cloud was on loan from a museum of ambient art. As it blew thru town, Art lodged in every crevice. A plague of critics soon followed in its wake &shows no sign of abating. The local dust floats listless,unsettled, newly anxious of praxis & cliché…
#vss365