i wanna die i got probation for three years for coke possession
so now i can’t have weed which is the only thing that has ever cured my anxiety and depression and made me not mute. i need to die..
the fucked up thing about having ocd is that you are not allowed to trust “gut feelings”
so when someone lies to you for several months but your gut keeps yelling “something is wrong”
when you find out, it just
destroys years of progress
Hot take: The bullying that broke my brain wasn’t the insults/ hurtful words,
It was the “friendly” questions.
-“You talk weird, why?”
-“Why don’t you get the joke?”
-“Are you mad at me or just being autistic again?”
I do answer honestly because autistic = literal.
Then I do hear them laughing later.
Oh. The questions were the joke.
I was a kid, I couldn’t read the tone.
I just knew “nice” suddenly felt dangerous.
So now my autism does this: someone’s kind to me and my brain goes
“Scan for trap. Scan for trap. Scan for trap,
Even when they are actually nice.
If your nervous system still treats every kind word like a test...
That’s not paranoia. That’s your autism remembering.
RELAPSE IS NOT A FAILURE
Relapse is actually very normal for addicts, because drugs are our coping skill. It’s a tough habit to break and can take years to develop new coping skills to deal with trauma.
Stop judging.