Willie Trombone

This is a parody account. I am not actually Willie Trombone.

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

You say neck; I say headpit.

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

I bet it’s so annoying for all my friends to constantly have to reassure me they don’t secretly hate me. If I were friends with me, I would totally secretly hate me for it. So you see,

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

Idr when I did finally learn the truth, but I do know that six-year-old me would've been devastated to learn it's called a "rectum," and not a "poonis."

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

*hits blunt* Man. All pigs are porky.

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

There's literally nothing better than imagining the look on a guy like James Dobson's face when they realize they're in hell now

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

Wild how an entire generation of boomers got the idea that the solution to unreasonable prices is somehow just "never stop hassling service workers, who have no say in anything;" and not "organize against the ruling class, who intentionally keep things this way."

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

Why even have a gender if you're not gonna be at least a little trans

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

You ever have that moment during a job interview where you realize that them interviewing you is basically the career equivalent of giving your younger sibling an unplugged video game controller, so now you just gotta keep going through the motions & pretend we're all having fun?

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

The important thing is Harrison Butker had a shitty night

[WitchDoctorDB @db_witch]

I'm gonna fucking laugh so hard if they release an update to specifically change this

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

Marc Brown lowkey a freak for making Arthur an aardvark

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

And this asshole is clearly *struggling* to understand how words work.

Imagine looking at the world without a lens of obvious bigotry, just once.

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

There's truly nothing more radical than that song tbf

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

https://t.co/JRmea6m2dP

[Populism Updates @PopulismUpdates]

Tell me your most radical position that cannot be placed on the left-right political spectrum

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

They should make a sassy version of the "Identify by Sound" feature on those birding apps, that tells you stuff like "That's a cicada dumbass."

[Shadow Cringelord @ShadowxTwilight]

Good morning

[free palestine and fuck ice @milkglutton_]

it was only a toot
how did it end up like poop
it was only a toot
IT WAS ONLY A TOOT

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

Quit telling me to believe in myself. I couldn't "positive mental attitude" my way out of a wet paper bag with perforations. We're gonna need to find a different solution to my problems.

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

You shouldn't be allowed to say "I like to try new things" until you've ordered the steak at Waffle House

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

I hope The Bear: The Motion Picture will be based on this game

[Michael Kandel @K_A_N_D_E_L]

the bear video game actually looks pretty cool

[Willie Trombone @FunkMasterMaybe]

I gotta stop watching Star Trek when I'm this high the beeps and boops always spook me out