Dave Nonis

The GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs ............... isn't on Twitter. But this FAKE parody one is! It's all jokes. I'm the genius who signed David Clarkson.

[Randy Carlyle @LeafsCoach]

Hey @GMDaveNonis, I'm still here too! I guess not making the playoffs & sucking so bad, had nothing to do w/ us. Haha! Suckers! #Leafs #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

Now Tim Leiweke is leaving. The entire front office has been cleaned out except for me. Why? I'm awesome! That's why, bitches! #Leafs #NHL

[Brendan Shanahan @LeafsPresident]

My next hires will be @simmonssteve and @mirtle. I'm going to set them up at centre ice & watch them beat the shit out of each other. #Leafs

[Brendan Shanahan @LeafsPresident]

I guess I could get us a centre and some legit defencemen. But that's boring. We're hiring nerds and putting up statues. Yay us! #Leafs #NHL

[Brendan Shanahan @LeafsPresident]

Zero improvement on the ice, but lots of changes in the front office. Following in Burkies footsteps. Doesn't work but it gets press. #Leafs

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

Nice of Shanny to hire a bunch of analytics nerds to work in the office with me. That way they can't trash us on Twitter anymore. #Leafs

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

As for Kyle Dubas as my new assistant? To be honest, I have no idea who he is. I randomly picked his name out of the phone book. #Leafs #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

Sad to see Poulin and Loiselle go. We're clearing out the front office. But I'm still here, so that's really all I care about. #Leafs

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

I think it’s safe to say now, with these additions, we are Stanley Cup favourites next year. Plan the parade! #Leafs #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

I know #Leafs Nation will be excited about these 3rd liners coming back and being overpaid. That’s how we roll here! #Leafs #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

Bringing back Leo Komarov and Matt Frattin. There! I changed the culture! #Leafs #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

According to #Habs fans, the following conspire against them: refs, #NHL, CBC, NBC, Don Cherry, Bruins fans, hand shake behaviour. #Rangers

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

Like I mean I'm actually trying to get fired and I can't. That Clarkson contract. That Phaneuf contract. Extending Carlyle. #Leafs #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

#Penguins Ray Shero gets fired after all his success ... yet I still keep my job. Go figure. LMAO! God, I love working for the #Leafs. #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

I'd like to announce that I have signed Randy Caryle to a 2 year contract extension. Everything is great. Why make a change?! #Leafs #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

Nice effort by the #Raptors. Oh well. I'm sure you'll build on this Game 7 loss, just like we did this year. *cough cough* #Leafs

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

If Masai Ujiri is allowed to say "Fuck Brooklyn" to the crowd, then just wait and see what I'm going to say the next time Montreal's in town

[Brendan Shanahan @LeafsPresident]

On behalf of the #Leafs organization, I'd like to wish the #Raptors good luck in the playoffs. Although we don't know what "playoffs" means.

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

I was advised by @LeafsPresident today, that my official title is "Shanahan's Bitch". They're making new business cards for me. #Leafs #NHL

[Dave Nonis @GMDaveNonis]

Every few years we trot out a new "no nonsense" guy to fix things and #Leafs fans buy our bullshit. This time its Brendan Shanahan, suckers!