The internet constantly tells women that men are terrible listeners because the second a woman starts venting about her day, the man immediately interrupts to offer a logical solution. We are taught to view this as him being dismissive, emotionally unintelligent, or invalidating our feelings.
The strict, unpopular truth is that to a man, fixing the problem is his absolute highest, most desperate form of empathy.
Women vent to connect; we want our partner to just sit in the dark with us and validate the emotion. But men are hardwired to view the woman they love being in distress as an active threat. When he immediately offers a spreadsheet, a strategy, or a solution to your problem, he isn't trying to silence you. His brain has recognized that something in the world is hurting his partner, and his immediate, visceral instinct is to assassinate the thing causing you pain.
We constantly shame men for "not just listening," completely ignoring the fact that his attempt to fix your life is his most profound declaration of love.
When I first got married, I called my mom to complain about some argument my husband and I were having. My mom stopped me right there and said, "unless you are in danger, dont ever let anyone into your marriage, not even me". Its was the best advice I could've ever received as a young wife. It allowed me to take my concerns directly to my husband, think thru how I really feel without someone projecting themselves on me. Gatekeep the marriage.
found out my mom has been going on walks in her neighborhood after dark because she is “just so full of rage that anyone who would try to attack her would be needing an ambulance”
Are you depressed? Or are you just sitting indoors all day, not exercising, sleeping horribly, eating hyper processed foods, getting 4000 steps a day, and not working on anything important to you?
Me in summer at 4 PM:
Perfect time to grab groceries.
Me in winter at 4 PM:
Oh, that's basically nighttime.
Doors locked, pajamas on,
day officially over.