Garrett Crawford

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

I’ve been on on my last vodka soda for at least five vodka sodas

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

Ok so Todd was with the bullshit

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

When you date a Swiftie and are going to a concert, all car rides become exams that are impossible to pass

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

Art imitating art imitating life

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

My hands are not as soft as Meghan’s

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

Did anyone else have a crush on Bernard the Elf from Santa Clause??

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

@Heyoooitsmeghan Protect your nose

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

I just had a weird experience where I got the chills during a cover of Sk8er Boi

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

Honestly I’m scared of New Hampshire

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

Day old pastrami likes to step on toes

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

This man smells like day old pastrami

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

Sometimes at the bar I’m back in middle school and overcome by lord of the dance

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

Sometimes you wanna vom in the clurbz

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

The beets are out at the bars tonight

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

As an unqualified snob I feel fully comfortable saying never order a crab cake outside of Maryland

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

Almost choked on confetti while Amanda made out next to me

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

At the intersection of life where I really want to take shots but really shouldn’t

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

I hate Shannon so much that I love her

[Garrett Crawford @Garrettheparrot]

World peace must look similar to a Halloween dance floor