geno

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

Me: Guy breaking into my house and I don't know who he is. I have no idea who this guy is.

911: Hmm. I probably don't know him either :/

Me: Please. Who is he

911: Just stay calm. Does he have a name tag?

[josef k hole @poeticdweller]

beautiful girl sat in my section tried to tell me she had celiacs disease but i thought she said she had Silly Ex disease and i was like oh honey im afflicted too and the cure is margaritas!

[unholytrini 👁️‍🗨️ @unholytrinii]

some chicks have dicks, some dudes have tits, fuck the knicks, SPURS IN 6!!!!

[miss kay @ladymisskay_]

“Are you gay?” Like I fucking know bitch are u fr

[¿ @umlarp]

red hot silly peppers

[Nate @thenatewolf]

I walked past three ladies and one said "oh my!" and one said "hubba hubba," but the third one stayed silent. I found out later that she has poor vision, and when her friends described what I looked like, she said "awooga".

[Cut4 @Cut4]

He's so crazzzzzzzy! Love him!!!

[matt @mattybtweets69]

There’s a disease going so viral that you can catch it just by looking at someone with it. It’s called, a smile :)

[geno @GeorgiaChase10]

@OldRattleMan I ate a fish from the fish tank

[geno @GeorgiaChase10]

@slothy_420 Scoot

[geno @GeorgiaChase10]

@len0killer You fucking wish man. You fucking wish

[turbomander @turbomander]

me: we have to bar the door. the king’s guard will be here any moment, we can’t let them find you. If they do…i…I can’t lose you.
the ork ive been raising as my son: gorgutz…was…bad?
me: of course not gorgutz

[audrey @phlegmme]

Life is good on the farm. My honeybees give me honey. My silkworms give me silk. And I just bought a huge shipment of head lice

[slothy @slothy_420]

if you give a mouse a gun

[slothy @slothy_420]

hey has anyone seen my gun

[geno @GeorgiaChase10]

@poopswag34 Wait why doesn't this have 1 billion likes? I quote this almost daily

[Old Man Rattle @OldRattleMan]

taking my fidget spinner with me to military camp

[very baller cash money normal sane person @normal_ballerz]

my grandma wants everybody attacked