Golf Jesus 🍲

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[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

I work at a DARPA cloning facility where we make these ladies. Aint much but it’s honest work. big boss keeps sayin you gotta make em more angular. Make the eyes dead. They dont need to read good. I ask the lord for forgiveness whenever one comes out and asks if shes really alive

[Katherine Krueger @kath_krueger]

let her cook

[Rowan Fornow 🚵🚉🏙️🦣🇵🇸 @rowanfornow]

do French farmers actually make anything or do they just spend all day pouring manure in public spaces to protest the government not giving them more money

[Crazy Clark Lea @ClarkLeaYo]

Bro’s team just gave up 500 yards, was outgained by 200+ yards, was gifted 4 turnovers & won the game because a reliable kicker missed a 36 yard FG that looked like it was good….. and he’s on here talking about rank us lol

[Golf Jesus 🍲 @Golf_Jesus]

Utterly useless bullshit I can’t imagine having my head this far up my own ass

[Fireside Alpha @firesidealpha]

Instinct CEO Noah Shinn says agents will let restaurants give tables to birthdays and anniversaries over whoever clicks first

"And traditionally, because of the way that the internet has worked, at least for reservations, it's been first come first serve. So anyone that comes in, no matter how important or how not important it might be, whoever gets in first gets the reservation."

"But what if you had the ability for the agent to be able to communicate on both sides, communicate, hey, this is important. This is actually the person's spouse's birthday, the 30th birthday, a very special event is coming up."

"And the restaurant too can say, let's actually prioritize birthdays or major decade birthdays or major anniversaries or these certain people, I don't know, whatever it might be, right?"

"So now with the ability, with all of the logistical burden of having to describe exactly what your case is and what's happening and why it's important. Now we have the ability to perfectly match what does the restaurant want? What does the user want?"

"And that will result in more special events for the users being able to actually have a spot in the restaurant."

[The Mist @Clinton2028]

Every Republican in every red state is convinced that their state is run by a secret cabal of democrats who are the source of all wrong and that they must reelect the incumbent republicans to get rid of that cabal, which they did not do in their previous term

[A.A. @pashadelics]

Old school fat. You don’t get politicians built like this anymore. Rotund and ready to deal.

[Golf Jesus 🍲 @Golf_Jesus]

can’t fall for phishing links if you never read your emails

[Golf Jesus 🍲 @Golf_Jesus]

lmaooooo

[Michael S. Schmidt @nytmike]

NEW and BREAKING: Justice Department prosecutors have opened a criminal investigation into revelations the Clippers helped arrange secret sponsorship contracts for the star player Kawhi Leonard that circumvented the salary cap. https://t.co/0CLwBwTfdk
w/@WRashbaum @SantulN

[Golf Jesus 🍲 @Golf_Jesus]

youre welcome

[Top Tier @TopTierStateX]

College Football Week 2 TV schedule

[mister employed again @Forever_Wario]

all oai had to do was just wait and these guys would've said "look what codex helped us do", but they couldn't even do that

[one dozen bats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

The biggest story out of the whole Clippers debacle is that ESPN is basically confirmed to just be an outlet for team owner propaganda in-between gambling ads and Pat McAfee clips.

It’s been obvious for a while, but I don’t see how you could even argue against it now.

[99% Johnny Graz @jvgraz]

Belief in the End Times should be an immediate disqualifier for public office.

[President-Elect Toguro @PresidentToguro]

The cops have pretty much full immunity to rampage on your property and go Rambo on your pets. The worst that will happen to them is that they will be fired and then quietly rehired in another town. These pet killings happen so frequently, this is just the one you're hearing.

It's a natural consequence when you give illiterate brutes military grade weapons and the freedom to just act out GTA in real life. And some precincts are trained by the IDF.

It's like giving a monkey a bazooka

[cold 🥑 @coldhealing]

I'm in Irvine California at the Olivia Rodrigo Planned Parenthood music festival sipping a pink Baja Blast from the Taco Bell brand activation

[Lucy Rohden @lucy_rohden]

eat shit Nick Saban I’m so much better than you

[Sophie Kleeman @sophiekleeman]

why does this AI-staged apartment listing have a Taco Bell Lives Matter flag on the wall

[maybe: xavier (nba champ new york knicks enjoyer) @couldbexav]

protestant nonsense. some good ol fashioned catholic guilt woulda got this kid outta the inning instead of giving up a four spot and eventually getting his team eliminated.

[fejau @fejau_inc]

Anytime Gary Vee becomes relevant again I know that monetary policy is too loose and we need to hike rates

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

🚨 BREAKING: Mitch McConnell has been discharged from rehab and will continue being dead at home.