Right By You

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

The world is full of bad relationship advice.

Sometimes it's easy to determine that someone's suggestions are bad.

Other times, you might feel that something's off even if you can't put your finger on it.

However the most destructively bad advice are those that get past our radar, or even worse, are mistakenly believed as good.

Most modern dating advice falls into the later category. It's often achieved through the use of manipulative language, double standards and by elevating "the relationship" above morals, and effectively above God.

It's destructive, deceptive and has even infected the Church and the entire therapy industry.

Because men are typically the victims of bad relationship advice backed by society's established institutions, we've seen a backlash in the form of reactionary movements like Redpill.

Unfortunately, while Redpill correctly diagnoses a lot of the problems with modern relationships, the solutions it proposes are often just as destructive.

The solution to bad relationship advice that victimizes men isn't bad relationship advice that victimizes women.

The solution is good relationship advice.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@Alineofmine Okay so you've devolved into straight up slander.

No point in continuing this discussion with a broken person.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@Alineofmine Okay so you've devolved into straight up slander.

No point in continuing this discussion with a broken person.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@Alineofmine Okay so no one is entitled to anything.

Husbands are not entitled to sex, housekeeping, etc.
Wives are not entitled to finance, emotional intimacy, protection or anything.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

Notice how, in your world, caring only goes in one direction.

1. Woman wants emotional intimacy from man.
- Man should want to care.
- Women have no obligation.

2. Man wants sexual intimacy from woman.
- Woman has no obligation.
- Man should want her to enjoy it and not do it out of obligation.

Not to mention the entire situation you concocted is a strawman of the post you replied to.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

This is true only if you're not entitled to other people's bank accounts, time, effort, emotional comfort etc.

If you can agree that no one is entitled to anything from the other person, then you're at least operating from a fair, logically consistent standpoint.

If not, you're just saying "rules for thee, but not for me"

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

Because everyone in a long term relationship does that. Every wife has gone on about her problems or her day to a husband who, given a choice, wouldn't have wanted to be in that situation.

The good men put their wives first, change their attitudes, grow their hearts, look at the glass half full and learn to appreciate and find joy in the conversation purely because this is a way to connect and make their wife emotionally fulfilled.

The bad men (like bad women) say "me, me, me" and make endless excuses, including "why would you want to talk to me if I'm not in the mood", build resentment and destroy the relationship through their self-centeredness.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@Alineofmine Perfectly proved my point.

"You're not owed the things you want, but I'm owed the things I want"

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@TheEcho13 This is only true if you believe women are perfect, sinless beings who can do no wrong.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@cherpers @polemoskarios @Alineofmine @Nicki31415Nick Men are biologically programmed to have sex with as many women as possible. By your twisted logic, men should never be faithful to one woman.

Telling them to do so is to "projecting female sexuality onto men".

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@Alineofmine @Nicki31415Nick This is like saying "If she loves you, why would she to have an emotionally intimate conversation with you about her day while you're not in the mood"?

Because sex, like emotional intimacy, is a form of connection. You want to connect with the one you love.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@VivaldiVril @TheEcho13 The concept of needing to submit to your wife's feelings in order to get sex is far more insulting to a man than duty sex.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

The only way for this to work is if not just sexual, but ALL access continues to be something that you negotiate throughout marriage.

That means financial access, that means emotional access, everything you can think of that you want from your spouse needs to be negotiated.

It'll be a sad, transactional relationship, but it's better than a sad, transactional relationship that's one-sided. At least if both are doing it, they'll need to negotiate fairly.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

No man is "worthy" of a good woman, nor is any woman "worthy" of a good man.

Women are not gods who can do no wrong.
Men are not gods who can do no wrong.
Women are not robots that have no free will.
Men are not robots that have no free will.

We are all imperfect and we are have agency (and the responsibility that comes with that agency) over our actions.

The post you replied to brought up a problematic trend in society, how it affects women, and how good women have fought back.

It said nothing about how good or bad, guilty or innocent men are.

If you're interested in an honest conversation, respond to what people have actually said.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

Chores isn't the best comparison, although the underlying logic still mostly holds. A much better one is any other form of intimacy.

If you're feeling down and want to talk to your husband, should he first ask himself "do I want to talk about this or would I rather be doing something else"?

The answer is obviously no. He should take the time to comfort you, even if he doesn't feel like it or would rather being doing something else.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@grlfrmboston @RealDianeYap No one said anything about force.

However, to those who cannot fathom voluntarily choosing to elevate their spouse above their immediate desires, any alternative to getting what they want MUST be forced on them.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

Notice how we went from "angry and resentment" to "fears harm".

It's not good, but understandable that one spouse would get angry at the other for flat out rejecting them, especially if this happens over and over.

It's not good, but understandable that resentment would build if one spouse was rejected over and over.

"Fearing" these reactions is just as neurotic as a man "fearing" his wife getting angry, resentful, cold, unhappy, etc when he tells her no to other forms of intimacy.

You're rejecting the person you promised to love till death do you part the most intimate act of connection possible with the person he's supposed to be the closest with. Only a narcissist who thinks the entire world revolves around their feelings expects their spouse to just shrug it off.

[Right By You @Good_Rel_2226]

@LysaStrataStyle @emilykmay People feeling coerced into sex they don't want is no different than someone being coerced into doing chores, listening to their partner or contributing to the family income.

Because guess what? Coercion is wrong.