.

[paul bassett davies @thewritertype]

You only get one chance to make a good first impression. And if you do, you’ll never live up to it. It’s safer to make a bad first impression, then surprise people by not being quite as terrible as they thought you were.

[. @GreenWing26]

@HorshamFC

[Brona C Titley @bronactitley]

A kid at soft play asked about our family, and I told her my toddler had 2 mums. She immediately said “Why not 3?” and honestly it’s a great question, will talk to my wife about it tonight.

[Dr Dan Goyal @danielgoyal]

During Covid 2020, nurses who were due to leave the NHS decided to stay.

In the face of a relatively unknown pathogen and at risk to themselves, they stayed.

Don’t question their commitment.

Question why, after 12yrs, they are 20% poorer.

[Bob Servant @bobservant]

We get it, and we have listened. We will no longer be hosting Human Jenga parties in the nursing home car park. It was the right policy at the wrong time. Apologies to all those injured, now let’s get back to work.

[Mollie Goodfellow @hansmollman]

ask ur significant others if they would queue for nine hours to see your coffin and depending on their answer, start an argument x

[Gabriele Corno @Gabriele_Corno]

Look at this Mother sloth reuniting with her baby
( by jaguarrescuecentercr )

[. @GreenWing26]

@helpfulholidays Is it still possible to buy gift vouchers? Struggling to find this option on your website

[Buitengebieden @buitengebieden]

The landing.. 😊 https://t.co/JeqTtSnUCF

[No Context Brits @NoContextBrits]

A decision was made here.

[mariana Z @mariana057]

If you're cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

[Ben Yahr @benyahr]

I. Don’t. Care. If. You’re. Christian. https://t.co/lJGAGlHHUx

[Tiffany D. Jackson @WriteinBK]

Forced birth in a country that doesn’t have mandatory maternity leave or universal healthcare…

[Frankie Boyle Updates @frankieboyle]

I hate it when people say you need to keep a sense of perspective. We’re mortal beings on a loveless world in a dying universe. You need to lose perspective as completely as you possibly can. Forget the bigger picture, comprehending it would drive you insane

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

£65,738 - MP salary in 2010
£84,144 - MP salary in 2022

If rail, teachers, nurses, etc had the same rate of increase, there would be no strikes.

[CALL TO ACTIVISM @CalltoActivism]

The most interesting thing about the Johnny Depp verdict is that
19 children were murdered in Texas with a gun that should be banned.

[. @GreenWing26]

@ar_mu @Channel4