Old Greg

Fuck afterparties.

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

#SecureTheBag?

[Andrew Yang🧢⬆️🇺🇸 @AndrewYang]

I will give $1,000/mo for the next 12 months FREE to someone who retweets this and follows me by July 4th 😃 Let's show why money is the answer & why this is the campaign for people. No purchase necessary. US citizens only. https://t.co/ie7DMHJ86X

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

@Faxon_Firearms Glock barrels look great, and price sounds great as well. When do you plan on releasing them?

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

Hello twitter followers. I have changed my bio, please take note. It is something I feel very strongly about. Thx.

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

@DaleEndreson @LisaRemillard @innoutburger But what if they want to go to a place they used to enjoy as a meat eater?

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

Girls complain about standard clothing sizes not fitting like men don't have that issue, but I've never found a tall slim-fit XL in store.

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

Arithmetic is the only math left in my brain. Sometimes in hex, but that's the only thing special left in my math heart.

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

Because if there's one thing that will make me give up all my software skills, it's everyone who pitches me apps when they hear what I do.

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

I want to make an app called "I had this idea for an app" where it's just an animated version of me that listens to your horrible app idea.

[Ken M @horseysurprise]

looking out for uranium miners

[Tim Peake @astro_timpeake]

I'd like to apologise to the lady I just called by mistake saying 'Hello, is this planet Earth?' - not a prank call...just a wrong number!

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

I just spent a 5 minute walk trying to remember what day it was. I ended up checking a calendar. I need a vacation.

[Kim Kierkegaardashian @KimKierkegaard]

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. Hahahahahahaha.

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

"What's that one where he uses the hat to change his destiny?" -@SenorNiccoSuave #NameThatMattDamonMovie

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

Used the word "peehole" way too much in casual work conversations this week. #kidneystone #getthisthingoutofme

[Old Greg @GregSucks]

When your best friend picks up @torchystacos for you after an ER visit and recovery day. @freshlaysqueezd is good people.

[Rigel Robinson @RigelRobinson]

Hey @NBCNews, I went ahead and fixed this one for you. Do better. #SamDubose