Grubby Cuddles

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

I'm climbing my white silk sheets all the way to heaven tonight. Past the big friendly moon. Past the rocket ships floating past me like blue whales. I'm going to climb and climb in my nightgown, until I've a private audience with the big man Himself, the Big Turtle Man.

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

My husband just ran in from the garden carrying another dead mole.
"Look, dear!" He held it up to my face. He knows I've been wanting a moleskin journal for my birthday this year, and he can never keep a surprise. He's upstairs now, stitching it to the others. He is a good man.

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

@Dave06845974 @Telegraph It's because they know they hounded him in the days and hours leading up to his death. Despite ignoring white professors accused of exactly the same. They hounded a black man until he died.

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

@DaftLimmy Ever since Prometheus gave vape shops to the humans.

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

I just read on @deuxmoiworld that Father Christmas is dating again, 6 years after the death of his wife.

He was reportedly spotted last night leaving Quo Vadis in Soho with Florence Pugh.

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

Glories Holes never used to be such a regulated industry. Time was you could just drill one anywhere and it would attract a crowd. Not just public toilets. Anywhere. I once drilled one in an old sycamore tree. It was pure and true. Good long trying that these days.

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

Yesterday the man from the bank visited old Mrs. Chester's house. I stashed myself in a hole in the ceiling above her armchair, marionetting her hands and lips and eyelids with fishing line. CB radio stashed in her lap pillow. All this to say, I EARN that power of attorney.

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

I put the "croup" in "croupier". Put it all on blacklung!

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

There's a couple in their early seventies walking a dog around the perimeter of the field. I can't wait to put a smile on their faces when I leap out of this bush wrapped in police tape and I tell them about the miracle that befell my whole family. Yeah, even the dog will smile.

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! And I don't remember shit! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

@_danmunro Good

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

@McDonaldsUK @ubereats_uk

Hiya lads, hope you can help. I ordered a delicious meal from MacD's today. The double quarter pounder (£7.15) was missing. I requested a refund but only got £2.60 back. Is there anything I can do?

Thanks, and stay safe xxx

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

Some men can't get enough of booze, some men can't get enough of cigarettes, some men can't get enough of women, some men can't get enough of cards.... Me? I can't get enough of Witnessing Crime. God damn what a thrill.

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

@tonycarmelo15 @NatWest_Help Hi Defend Brian, I'm sorry to hear about your issues with the NatWest app. The technical team is aware of a fault and is currently working on a fix, and your patience in the meantime is appreciated. Please try again in a few hours. GC

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

@MrAllington @NatWest_Help Hi Mr Allington, sorry to hear about your qualms. The NatWest technical team is on the case. The suggestion is to try transfering your money again in a few hours. GC

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

@Sacha_Barnes @NatWest_Help Hi Sacha, sorry to hear about your troubles with the NatWest banking app. Please don't do that. It should be up and running again shortly. GC

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

@MrCampbell98 Hi Mr Campbell, sorry to hear you're having issues with the app. The NatWest technical team is on it. I would suggest trying to access the app again in a few hours. GC

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

RIP Professor Yaffle

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

I can't eat all of this cake by myself!!!! Come on, grab a slice !!!!

[Grubby Cuddles @GrubbyCuddles]

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