js

Don't ask me what I mean, I don't even know.

[Arielle Kane @ariellesophia]

Hey! @elonmusk your doge minions just fired me and my colleagues at CMMI. We were working on improving maternal health outcomes AT LOWER COSTS so that less pregnant women would die in this county. I thought that would fit nicely into your agenda?

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

(3)

Ok it is Sunday and we will never do sale again you better shop now. Good luck bc our items aren’t marked sold out DON’T MISS THIS!

GOTCHA -CYBER MONDAY IS ON & we have partnered with a Nigerian prince who is giving out $100 iTunes gift cards with every $1000 purchase

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

(2)

2 HOURS left of our best Black Friday deal ever and if you don’t purchase now you’ll probably never feel happy again just buy our things at a slightly discounted rate!

SIKEEEEE we wouldn’t ever JUST do a sale on Friday! Here is our 5% less better sale through the weekend

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

Who am I?

SURPRISE Black Friday is early and these are our great discounts!

Tick tock, one more day of early Black Friday, don’t miss the year’s best sale!

SURPRISE we actually ARE doing Black Friday and our sales are just good enough to make you regret shopping yesterday (1)

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

@savittj This is still my favorite tweet

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

@RepMichaelGuest Honestly, you need to get a life. To make this your mission - without a care in the world for the PEOPLE not embryos that it affects. Tell me sir what are your plans and initiatives that you’re working on to support these mothers and children once the child is born?!!! Hypocrite

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

@paras360 Did you ever figure it out?

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

Ugh I meant STINK IS IT EMBARRASSING FOR SKUNKS TO STINK WHEN THEY GET SCARED?

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

Is it embarrassing for skunks to skink when they get scared?

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

The closest I ever got to feeling like a squirrel was eating pistachios in the privacy of my own home.

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

When are they going to teach toilet paper math in schools?

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

Imagine how much worse this pandemic would have been if ombré highlights weren’t already a thing?

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

Thinking of buying an encyclopedia set so our kid can experience the “good ol’ days”

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

I wonder if Jack and Rose would have worked out if he didn’t die

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

With all the stop drop and roll training we had in elementary school, you’d think catching on fire would be a more prominent part of life

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

Softened croutons in soup = goal
Soggy croutons in salad = gross
Same croutons

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

I wish I had the self confidence of girls who don’t get rid of their mustaches

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

Sucks to be this sleeping @NYRangers fan... go @njdevils

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

Weird how
Having a day off = good
Having an off day = bad

[js @HOLYSCHIF]

When I think about problems facing me today, at least I didn’t exist during times where they changed the calendar. ::morning can’t believe it’s 9/19/2019. Sorry good lady it’s actually January 3, 0076
https://t.co/2HTgubQES4