Halibut Acid

Depressed millennial office worker. #VTuber, Live on #Twitch. Stuff on #YouTube.

Emotes by: @Noasketch
Sub badges by: @CaramelSweets9

DON'T DM ME FOR COMMS.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

With Men's Mental Health Awareness Month, I am going to be open with my struggles. Not sure how to really word this, so it if doesn't make sense I do apologize. Figure I open the curtain a little bit.

I deal with depression, and it was something that I struggled with most of my life unknowingly. I say that because sadly, most of it undiagnosed and just lived life. Just pushing down every emotion I had, tucking it away to where I thought wouldn't effect me. I would spend time listening to Aphex Twin, as music was an escapism for me. I assumed it was normal, to be that guy who held everything in, to be that pillar.

It wasn't, and I did not know that until it got to a point where I was 'Baker Acted'. I was at my lowest, where I laid in one spot 24/7 almost, only moving to use the restroom. I did things I regret, and it almost ended my relationship with my now wife, but damage has been done to where it is still apparent today.

There was a point where I may not have been here today if I did not have family and a woman who genuinely cared about me. I wouldn't have a daughter who means so much to me if I did not get the help I needed.

Talk to someone. Get help. It is not being the tough guy who can be that pillar that holds everything up, because the strongest pillar will fall with cracks on the inside.

I made that mistake and almost ended up the worst kind of statistic.

sorry for the long post, something I need to get off my chest.

#MensMentalHealthAwarenessMonth
#MensMentalHealthMonth
#MensMentalHealth

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@jakigaVT Unfortunately, reminds me of that one person who was selling jarred farts.

The internet has ruined me.

[Deji @dejiwastakenx]

People of Twitter! Petition to put October in its rightful place. Sign below with your name please @BlackLooneyTune

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@CaramelSweets9 I am alive. Trying to be more comfortable with being active in the social media space.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@TopGyaru This makes me wanna

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@IceySnowpaws That is a sentence I thought I would never hear.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@DearlyChaotic

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

I been feeling barely human.

Wake up, work, maybe eat, bed. Been like this for the past month. Trying to motivate myself into being better or just moving in general but it is such a struggle. I am jealous of those who can be positive.

Just needed to get this off my chest.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@DearlyChaotic Every time I talk to you I feel spoiled to know someone as cool as you. Wish I can return the favor and help the way you helped me in some dark times.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@LuxieOX Thank you. I would be lying if I said I didn't have friends but I send to self isolate a lot, much the unhappiness of my wife.

I was working on some motion capture stuff before my PC died. Hoping to get it fixed soon and I can distract myself with that.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@GremTheReaper

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@nerinahazuki I already have streams like that I believe. I try not to look at those numbers since I do this more of a hobby. I have fun doing it.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@UnraisedHeart

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@ChonkyLotus Sure. I will give it a shot.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@LuxieOX

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@jakigaVT I don't know why I am seeing this now, but it triggered either a fight or flight response, PTSD, or something else that is burying the trauma when I first saw the original.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

I want to apologize for not being as active and being offline for so long. For the last few weeks. My mental health has not been in the best state. Between my computer breaking down, having to cancel my surgery since I can't afford it, and other things, it's been hard to motivate myself to do anything. Hopefully soon I can be able to stop being what I am. Thank you for everything

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

It is a reoccurring theme for me. Fail, get up, fail, get up. I try to be consistent, entertaining, myself to a degree. However, something always seems to happen that pushes me back to the starting line.

I love being able to stream what I enjoy playing. The universe disagrees, and I think I am losing the will to fight.

[Halibut Acid @HalibutAcidVT]

@ChaChayourvmom I remember trying it once, I think I was like 12, but I just made up a long number out of nowhere hoping it worked. I was trying to get a juicer because I wanted fresh juice. I can't remember the name of it though. Jack something.