Matt Hanan

Wife: You can't keep buying season books for clubs we never see play live.
Me: Great. I'll go get plane tickets to see @StRochsJuniors.
Wife: Fuck!

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

It's not every day you discover your arch-nemesis. #itson #therecanbeonlyone

[Acyn @Acyn]

Reporter: Are you concerned, Mr. President, about the latest inflation number which came out this morning?

Trump: No, I love it. I love the inflation.

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

Lol. Bitch ass bitch said 'I'm a bitch".

[BBC Sport @BBCSport]

"Chill, relax"

BBC sports editor Dan Roan asks Fifa president Gianni Infantino if he's lost control of his own tournament.

#FifaWorldCup

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

So, you're saying that you took mail that wasn't addressed to you and are now using said mail for your own benefit?

[Congressman Randy Fine @RepFine]

Yesterday, I received an official mail ballot at my Washington apartment for a woman I’ve never heard of.

I’ve rented this place since I got elected OVER A YEAR AGO.

All anyone would need to do is fill it out, sign it, and send it back.

Democrats are stealing elections every day.

PASS THE SAVE AMERICA ACT!

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

@dieworkwear Not sure I've ever seen anyone bawitdaba and dangadangdiddy at the same time like this.

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

Rat burgers... anarchy... the usual.

[The Associated Press @AP]

Bizarre sightings of people popping in and out of New York's vast subterranean sewer system has the whole city wondering what exactly is going on. https://t.co/59KJxad6AL

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

The fuck I do. I hope his next shit is a hedgehog.

[The Touchline | 𝐓 @TouchlineX]

🚨 𝗔𝗗𝗠𝗜𝗧 𝗜𝗧: You have to feel bad for Mikel Arteta. 💔

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

Getting 2 people to drink a shot of Malort at the same time is absolutely astonishing. Will never be beaten.

[Matt Lindner @mattlindner]

Anyways, Malort is attempting to break the world record for most people taking a shot of Malort at the same time on August 30. Want to be a part of it? Details here: https://t.co/RI9j2KOD8p

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

Correction. 11% of your taxes will be going to Jared Kushner to oversee the reconstruction of Iran.

[The Green Dragon Tavern @greendragonhq]

United States tax revenue: $2.66 trillion

Proposed Iran refund: $300 billion

$300b/$2.66 trillion = 0.11.

11% of your federal taxes will be going to Iran.

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

@SecScottBessent What toll was Iran charging ships before you started bombing them, dipshit?

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

... they said as if it were a good thing...

[Premier League @premierleague]

NINE Premier League clubs will play European football next season

It’s a joint-record 👇

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

As a @CelticFC fan who has lived in SoCal/San Diego since he was 9... Not being able to order the Mexico jerseys with @julian__araujo on the back is super disappointing.

[adidas Football @adidasfootball]

90 minutes or 24/7. wear yours everywhere.
you're welcome. 🤝

introducing 26 world-class kits for '26: https://t.co/kFNkQLTtFo

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

Imagine being so fragile that you go into melt down over the Northern Irish FA twitter account congratulating a former player and current manager from the North on winning an improbable double in Scotland.

[Jamie Bryson @JamieBrysonLLB]

It has actually just become apparent that this account in fact **seems** to be run by the @IrishFA

Absolutely shocking but unsurprising if so. There needs to be an absolute clear-out of that organisation, starting with the CEO who wanted a ROI top in his office.

It’s actually startling the kind of morons we have putting out tweets such as this.

If you like Celtic that much away and work for the FAI.

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

But... but... I was told only US citizens pay taxes.

[Polymarket @Polymarket]

JUST IN: IRS reportedly considering asking taxpayers to disclose citizenship status on next year’s tax forms.

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

Dan Quayle reading this rn like...

[NewsWire @NewsWire_US]

Trump: A lot of people don't know dumb has a B in it actually

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

It's like we're re-living the 1930s but with social media.

[Lucy White @lucyjaynewhite1]

Harry Maguire, who is English and Northern Irish…

… has been demographically replaced in the England World Cup team by an African named ‘Addji Keaninkin Marc-Israel Guéh’ born in Ivory Coast.

What’s the point in a ‘national’ football team if someone who is NOT from that nation can join?

Maguire should play for England. Guéh should play for Ivory Coast. Common sense.

I’m sure Maguire isn’t even allowed to contest this decision because, as his shirt says in the photo below, ‘no room for racism’.

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

The Department of Education using AI slop to encourage kids to do something other than get a college education is about as on brand for this administration as something could possibly be.

[U.S. Department of Education @usedgov]

SKILLS THAT PAY OFF.

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

So, what you're saying is that if Shankland had scored one more goal he'd not have finished 2nd in two things.

[Sky Bet @SkyBet]

League goals scored by Scotland forwards this season 📊

𝐎𝐥𝐢 𝐌𝐜𝐁𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐞 - 1️⃣7️⃣
Lawrence Shankland - 1️⃣6️⃣
George Hirst - 1️⃣1️⃣
Ross Stewart - 9️⃣
Che Adams - 5️⃣
Lyndon Dykes - 5️⃣

The only player not selected from this list is… Oli McBurnie… ❌

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

I don't think anyone would've faulted his using a tactics board if he had, in fact, any tactics on it that actually worked.

[Sky Sports Scotland @ScotlandSky]

🗣️ "I've been destroyed for that"

Wilfried Nancy has defended his use of a tactics board during his time at Celtic.

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

Andrew Dallas having to call over John Beaton to award that penalty is probably the funniest thing to ever happen in Scottish football.

[Sky Sports Scotland @ScotlandSky]

🟢 Here's the incident that resulted in Celtic's winning penalty at Fir Park, following a VAR check!

Motherwell vs Celtic & Hearts vs Falkirk reaction | Sky Sports Football now 📺

[Matt Hanan @HananMatt]

Looking forward to the Saved by the Bell remake where Zack uses Kelly's cellphone to order a handgun to the school instead of a pizza.

[NewsWire @NewsWire_US]

USPS May Soon Allow People To Ship Handguns Through The Mail For The First Time In Nearly 100 Years