Augustus von Heimlich

Legal advisor to the Arizona Outlaws and LSG. ISFL law commentator. I laugh at tankies and vatniks. Big hands, even bigger results!

[Augustus von Heimlich @HeimlichVon]

The league must give more power to individual #ISFL players!

Do not allow yourselves to be bullied by those in high positions! Remember, you have an ally who is not afraid to throw punches (with incredible force I might add).

That ally is Augustus von Heimlich. Lawyer for YOU

[Augustus von Heimlich @HeimlichVon]

@L1Cheeseyx @wisconsin_now Wait you aren’t kidding? Weirdo freak

[1926 Live @100YearsAgoLive]

Meet New York’s model landlord: Max Dick.

Dick hasn’t raised rent in 30 years, and he gives $50 to every baby that one of his tenants has.

He says that he wants to make a “bigger and better house for babies.”

[MeidasTouch @MeidasTouch]

Rep. Rob Wittman (R-VA) faked a phone call for roughly 90 seconds after being asked about Speaker Mike Johnson’s comments regarding potential Social Security cuts.

The phone's screen remained visible, with his cheek inadvertently tapping different parts of the display.

[Nick Khami @skeptrune]

we literally have no idea how to build software like this anymore
https://t.co/oYUehUO8i6

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

That’s a great question Hugh. I always rejected the idea that my addiction was trauma related. I think because I felt like that was something out of my control. I realize now that I just didn’t want to confront the trauma. I don’t think it was ever about just wanting to have a good time. Of course the first drink always does exactly what it’s supposed to. All that anxiety and angst, the feeling of being alone in a room full of people disappears. But then comes the endless loop of chasing that euphoria. At least for me that’s how it went. The end result being winding up truly alone in a room - a prisoner in my misery- desperately trying to stave off the physical withdrawal, and hide from the consequences.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

I don't know why any of you haters are surprised I'm the one actually engaging here.

You're the ones who've obsessively pored over the 10,000 photos, the 30,000 text messages, and the 128,000 emails from my hacked iCloud and stolen devices.

If I am anything, I am prolific.

You know what you won't find? Any of the most heinous, hateful things you keep posting about me.

What you'll find from me here is the same thing you found there.

Total transparency. Finally on my terms. Not yours.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

WTF timeline are we on. Someone called me the MAGA whisperer and I’ll gladly take the title. Left, right, D or R we all want the same things. We’re being divided on purpose by the Epstein Elite Oligarch class because as long as we’re at each other’s throats, they get fat and rich off of our misery. The second we figure out we agree on more than we disagree, they’re done. Love your neighbor. Be yourself. Radical honesty. No fucks given, no fucks taken. Everything else is just noise. (But still fuck Jake “Brick Tamland” Tapper on any time line)

[DOJA CAT @DojaCat]

hey elon if u see this please put the audio post feature back on here. Thanks, u frog build looking bitch. Barrel chested ewok u look like u eat sand.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@Cactuscali19912 Stephen Miller is an ugly fuck.

[Jeremy Kaplowitz @jeremysmiles]

what is going on

[Kiwi 🥝 @IGN_GFRETRO]

This 2013-2015
Everything is not 2016 man

[Augustus von Heimlich @HeimlichVon]

@HVNYrefugee Your great great great grandfather got mogged by the north

[Mike @hammerito]

That’s because my great great grandfather hit him with the blicky

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Almost seven years clean and sober.

Not a victory lap. Just a fact.

To anyone in the fight right now: it gets quieter. Not easier. Quieter. In the quiet, you find out who you actually are.

That’s the part they can’t take from you.

[Jett Copperhead @cocotraplord]

@Local12

[Stian Schultz @Carnivol]

@SpencerHakimian

[Augustus von Heimlich @HeimlichVon]

@Foolmoon413 @StaceyLee2025 Did Grok type that for you, numbnuts?