Heinz Doofenshmirtz

Some casual takes you didn't know you needed

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

So tired of seeing the day in the life influencers who already don’t drink do Dry January. That’s like me doing Eat Chipper Everyday-uary. Neither of us are making a meaningful change.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

@KirkHerbstreit If Texas doesn’t lose to Florida they’re in… last time I checked Florida was in the SEC. No one is punishing them for their losses to top 4 teams.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

I was out with some of my friends and went quiet on my phone because I had to deal with something related to my car insurance. When I said what I was doing they replied, “oh we thought you were just placing a parlay.” Respect is earned not given.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

@mmercer173 Not a one hit wonder

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

What the fuck is wrong with this guy

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

Gone too soon unreal the Knicks couldn’t cover at the end there

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

Merry Parlaymas to all those who celebrate!!

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

Furthermore, my guy proceeds to shower with the curtain full pushed aside as a show of dominance I guess. In fairness to him, I did back down from eye contact. But what an absolute sicko. Who walks over to turn another man’s shower off in the middle of their own shower??

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

Horrific locker room etiquette out of this old head showering this morning. I turn on the water and go to set my clothes down so the shower would be warm when I get back a moments later. This guy takes it upon himself to save the ocean or something by turning my shower off.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

I think every school got duped into buying a 3D printer ~5 years ago. I don’t know where they came from or what they’re used for. But now every school has one, and it seems like they do nothing but cost a lot of money. Shout-out Big Printing for pulling this one off.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

It ain’t gonna hit but if it does 👀 you’re welcome.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

Parlaysgiving: +43668

Amon-Ra 6+ rec
Laporta 4+ rec
Gibbs 25+ rush
Doubs 3+ rec
Raymond o11.5
Gallup 2+ rec
CeeDee 70+ receiving
Howell o14.5 rush
CeeDee ATTD
Cowboys ML
McCaffrey ATTD
Aiyuk 40+ receiving
Kittle 25+ receiving
McCaffrey 50+ rush
Kittle ATTD
Ole Miss ML

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

Parlaysgiving: +43668

Amon-Ra 6+ rec
Laporta 4+ rec
Gibbs 25+ rush
Doubs 3+ rec
Raymond o11.5
Gallup 2+ rec
CeeDee 70+ receiving
Howell o14.5 rush
CeeDee ATTD
Cowboys ML
McCaffrey ATTD
Aiyuk 40+ receiving
Kittle 25+ receiving
McCaffrey 50+ rush
Kittle ATTD
Ole Miss ML

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

@ShitScheftySays @sheetz I don’t believe you

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

Often I respect old people for their ability to do what they want and not give a fuck. Today, they crossed a line. If you’re going to go inside to get food at @sheetz, you gotta move your car to a parking space from the pump when it’s busy. Wasted 15 minutes today. Inexcusable.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

@ShitScheftySays Check the profile pic. Does it look like I’m tanning at that beach?

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

Just filled my Chipotle water cup with lemonade right in front of 3 cops. #outlaw #thuglife

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

I’m never more of a danger to others on the road than when there is a mosquito flying around in my car. Just can’t let that guy slide.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

What a psycho. Surprised he was actually accurate.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

Imagine being the group of kids next to Harry Potter’s train cabin who just wanted a couple chocolate frogs and then Harry just buys the whole thing. Honestly pretty inconsiderate from Mr. Potter. He should really try to think outside of himself more often.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz @HeinzDoof13]

What ever happened to duets? Did the music industry give up on them? Would really love a new good duet to drop.