We just now figured out this whole Twitter thing! The Council will be so pleased that we’re now able to keep the general public informed of happenings in town. I guess the last social media intern didn’t last long.
In other news, does anyone know how to get rid of stains?
Halloween is in the air! You know what else is? Brother O’Malley and his merry band! Be sure to greet him on your daily stroll. He will offer you guidance and protection during the Cull.
Hi folks! Sorry for the weird cryptic messages you’ve all been seeing- turns out a resident became host to a Hivemind that began to infect the rest of the community. All is well now! The host has been neutralized.
Hillview Circle residents: please ensure that your family is really, actually human. If you slice into them and they do not scream or bleed, they have been replaced by cake.
Hillview Circle would like to remind all residents that the cemetery is not to be used for family get-togethers. Those that are dead should stay dead. Also, Necromancy is illegal and punishable by up to 15 years in The Cube.
Main Street is flooded after yesterday’s torrential downpours. Residents are reporting seeing a large, serrated fin in the floodwaters. Rest assured, that’s Brother Jacobson from the First Episcopalian Church. He’s there to help the trapped.
PSA:
Please make sure to get a building permit if you’re interested in setting up a sacrificial altar in your backyard. Unauthorized construction will result in you becoming the sacrifice.
Hillview Circle has now instituted The Cube! The Cube is a large, nondescript building with no windows or doors. If you commit a crime, this will be your home. The Cube has an infinite capacity!