Peter Pereira

[Richard Osman @richardosman]

Also Jones v Wilson would be the first ever final where both players shared names with 'Dad's Army' characters.

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

Blimey

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

This is why I don't bother checking Facebook much.

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

100% read this headline in a comedy Indian uncle accent.

[Poppy® Watch @giantpoppywatch]

Haven’t seen a single one this year apart from on postboxes, lorries, vacuum cleaner shop displays, traffic lights, football pitches, christmas trees, park benches, fire extinguishers, castles, badly parked Land Rovers, bus stops, pizzas and literally every single person on TV 😞

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

Thanks but no thanks @Tesco
#shrinkflation

[Richard Osman @richardosman]

Stop making long films.

[NewsThump @newsthump]

NEWS! Title of “Andrew, the pizza-loving sex offender” finally passes to the next generation of high-profile deviant https://t.co/C5EWXUSV4N

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

This is how you open a show https://t.co/dQYYoy9wnw

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

And the #DailyFail thinks this is a GOOD thing??

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

Use no 1:
Pop it in the bin.

[NewsThump @newsthump]

All of the Tory reviews MoTD last night:

"Excellent coverage of the ball kicking last night. Easily saw every instance of the net catching the ball. Easy to understand the side-offs and rule book infractions. Much better for us real soccer fans when there are no interruptions."

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

Yup. @SpursOfficial

[HLTCO @HLTCO]

The power Crystal Palace FC have over my mood is genuinely unhealthy. Every week, I think I’m more mentally prepared for a poor performance and a defeat, every week, I realise how wrong I was.

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

No one hates @SpursOfficial more than spurs fans. Another weekend ruined. Load of old tosh.

[Marina Purkiss @MarinaPurkiss]

An acquaintance once advised me never to drink and text…

Whatever

F*ck the Tories

[The Spurs Web @thespursweb]

Tottenham Hotspur have just scored the first goal in a football match!

[Sam Freedman @Samfr]

Genuinely amazing spin here. Apparently the fact we don't have enough energy supplies is because the Met didn't predict it would be this cold because they were *working from home*.

[The Exploding Heads @Exploding_Heads]

Matt Hancock has narrowly missed his target of mentioning dyslexia on I'm A Celeb with a total of zero times.

But Hancock has ambitiously vowed to increase his target, pledging to mention dyslexia on the show 100,000 times a day by April.

[Peter Pereira @Hisnameispete]

Tomorrow I'm aiming for negative steps

[Poppy® Watch @giantpoppywatch]

Pummel your opponent’s face with #respect and #poignancy as you remembrance the #Fallen with these knock-out Poppy boxing gloves! 🥊