Hobo Tears

People say I'm apathetic, but I don't really care.

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

What’s your favorite blues song about dinosaurs?

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

Going to the fair is a fun way to spend the day lost in a crowd, texting "where the hell are you?" to the friends who dragged you there.

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

January Twitter bursts through the door, panting. "GUYS *falls to floor* they should name that baby *gasps for breath* Fiscal Cliff!" *dies*

[Jeff @jefftminston]

You Can’t Propose At A Restaurant With Bendable Menus, Charlie Brown

[Jeff @jefftminston]

UNSEXY SINGLES IN YOUR AREA JUST LISTENING TO TOTO, PUTTING KETCHUP ON HOTDOGS, DOING OTHER UNSEXY STUFF

[Jeff @jefftminston]

Banjo music always sounds like it’s being played by someone who really needs to pee.

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

Girl, are you a starving child in a Third World country, because I want to go through life pretending I don't know you exist.

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

HAS ANYONE USED THAT BABY AS A HORCRUX FOR THE LAST PIECE OF THEIR FRAGMENTED SOUL YET?

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

If you can't afford Elton John to sing at your funeral, Jethro Tull doing a personalized version of "Aqualung" is surprisingly reasonable.

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

Roll Zapruder film. OK freeze it. Isolate the grassy knoll. Now magnify that area. There! Jesus is that... GLUTEN? *rookie cop throws up*

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

I think it’s a crime that Susan Lucci still hasn’t won after all these years #ESPYs

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

I measure distance by the number of Lil Debbie wrappers that end up on my car floor during the trip.

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

STEP AWAY FROM MY MANWICH, BRO.

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

My mom doesn't even know I just opened a can of tuna without wearing my safety goggles.

[Not A PluckedChicken @Stella1070]

"I'll give you a jingle later," came out as "I'll give you a jingler later" and now I think I may have promised some weird sex act.

[Not A PluckedChicken @Stella1070]

I need one of these(shows air filter thingy in plastic bag) & also one of these(shows pic of hopes & dreams). I will wait.

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

SOB YOUR WAY TO PERFECT ABS FOR JUST PENNIES A DAY

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

Two And A Half Men also happened on Bush's watch #NeverForget

[Hobo Tears @HoboTears]

KONY 2012 #candyheartrejects

[Jeff @jefftminston]

My will just says: there’s a sleeve of Thin Mints hidden in my dress shoes with the buckles on them