Leslie

Certified Surgical Technologist. Back-up Comedian. Austinite. Musician.
HOE-neh-guls.

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

At the Mary Moore Searight Metropolitan Park, with @donaldglover!

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

Fuck you sign.
What's your Netflix profile pic?

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

God twerks in mysterious ways.

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

Me meeting my Mexican bf's familia:
Him: "You smell so good."
Me: "Yeah, I used a lemon bath bomb. I'm saving the lime one for date night."
Him: "Aye, way."
#Tajin

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

Forget these Drip IV recovery places or detoxing. Why can't I just get a quick round of Dialysis?
#NewAmsterdam

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

I called my HS bestie in Austin today, and her Marble Falls mother said she had a dream she was holding me while I was crying.
So should I go have something scanned or "read?"
#LakeTravis

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

I'm a dick, Ted.

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

I drink whatever gets me from A to BAC.

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

After you finish telling me about your kids, why don't you tell me about the dream you had last month.
#LDS
#SLC
#Utah

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

Why haven't the Evangelicals thought of going on "Rescue Missions" by knocking on mormon doors?
#LDS
#SLC
#Utah

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

If women aren't supposed to be Cat Ladies, then why do we have cat toys around our wrists and in our hair?
#CatLady

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

If you rearrange SLC, UT is spells CULTS.

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

I bet the "What kind of underwear are you wearing" pickup line originated here.
#Cult #Utah
#SaltLakeCity
#MagicUnderwear

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

*sharing a blanket*
Here, take as much as you need, without compromising my 50%.
#Relationships

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables fresh.

#PleaseClap

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

Why does he have to be "Mr. Right?"
Why can't he be "Dr. Right?"

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

I just learned that the Presbyterians are the "singing Christians," and that tickled me right in my Bible belt.
#ChoirChild

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

I want hair so beautiful I can cry in public anywhere.
#Subway
#NYC

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

I liked this song until I listened to the lyrics.
#PleasantlyDisappointed
https://t.co/HaUjVVCUsr

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

My new favorite surgeon talking to his patient before induction:
"What dream destination are you headed to? You have to be specific, because if you just say, 'Island,' anesthesia will send you to Staten Island."
#MEETH
#ScrubLife
#LennoxHill

[Leslie @Hoeniggles]

When she's a 10, but sneezes like your dad.