Honest Southern Rail

Not affilliated with Southern Rail. Parody. If that's not clear. Legal:

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

WINNER ANNOUNCED! The #SouthernRail "Tidy Train" award for February goes to the 7:37 to #Redhill after gaining an impressive four votes.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

Passengers are reminded to piss off.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

#SouthernRail services from #Brighton subject to disruption as drivers refusing to board without reassurances Bambi's mum didn't really die.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

All #SouthernRail trains through #HaywardsHeath are suspended as a precautionary measure to avoid bagel-related tomfoolery.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

BEHIND THE SCENES: the #SouthernRail customer focus team meet to discuss passenger satisfaction levels.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

After complaints about too few bathrooms, we launch our "Open Lavatory" policy. Passengers may now do their toilet ANYWHERE in the carriage!

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

#SouthernRail regret the cancellation of all trains into #Brighton owing to an earlier derailment in the vicinity of Little Acorns Nursery.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

STAFF MEMO: INTERNAL USE ONLY

It's a great opportunity to sit on our arses all day, run no trains, and blame #StormDoris.

Fill yer boots!

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

MEET THE TEAM!

Keith takes passengers' fares and makes sure the money is divided fairly between #SouthernRail directors and shareholders.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

ON THIS DAY- 22nd Feb 1983. #SouthernRail attempts to break the world speed record for trains. We reach 57mph before the front falls off.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

All #SouthernRail services in and out of London are subject to disruption owing to volcanoes in the Croydon area.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

MEET THE TEAM!

This is Gary.

Gary is responsible for ensuring all the #SouthernRail trains arrive on time.

Gary enjoys his job.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

In association with Hornby, we are proud to present the #SouthernRail train set. Ideal gift for kids!

(NB train may or may not be included)

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

#SouthernRail are pleased to announce a 120% increase in capacity on #Brighton to #London routes by making more of the train accessible.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

Yeah yeah we know all #SouthernRail services are heavily delayed, you're late, blah blah, but quite honestly we couldn't give one of these.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

#SouthernRail regret that all services to/from London are subject to disruption due to reports that the track near #EastCroydon is haunted.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY from #SouthernRail.

No, it's not late, actually, if it's within 24 hours it counts as on time.

We'd never be late.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

CUSTOMER FEEDBACK TIME: we at #SouthernRail are keen to gather your views on our proposed new corporate logo. What do you think?

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

All #SouthernRail services passing through #ClaphamJunction are subject to delays owing to a mild zombie apocalypse.

[Honest Southern Rail @Honest_Southern]

#SouthernRail regret to announce all trains from #LondonBridge & #LondonVictoria are cancelled because of reasons. Great reasons. The best.