Geoff Hoon

In 2010, Labour MP & cabinet minister, Geoff Hoon, departed from the public eye. Five years later he's decided to tweet his memories of his time at the top.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

'I never knowingly knew of unknown WMD known to Saddam' #ChilcotReport

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

Tony threatened to have me removed from office if I continued with such ideas. I subsequently didn't suggest another policy for 5 years.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

This #5pbagcharge doesn't go far enough. In 1998 I suggested a 10p tax per wipe policy on toilet paper in public conveniences.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

#StuartLancaster shouldn't beat himself up about the #RWC2015 exit. I once forgot where 10 Downing Street was and I still kept my job.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

It was only in June 2005 that I discovered Westminster had a tube station...

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

Kofi Annan once told me that he has 3 bidets in his house. I said that I didn't believe him. He walked off.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

I got the last laugh when Tessa Jowell lent me her Ocado password.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

Campbell consequently banned me from appearing in public places of retail for 3 months.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

A pie, pork or no pork, should never cost more than a tank of fuel.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

In early 2003 I was barred from Fortnum and Mason for laughing at the price of a pork pie.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

In November 2005 a lawsuit was filed against me by the German government for 'breaking October'.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

My friend and sometime confidante, Donald Rumsfeld, once ignored me for two months when I refused to eat a 'Chili Dog'.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

'Two nations divided by a common language'. I'll never trust a people that get their cheese from a can.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

I got the last laugh when Blunkett forgot he had half a Danish on his plate.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

When Gordon threatened to send me on a fact finding mission of El Salvador's penal system if I didn't surrender the viennoiserie.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

I still vividly remember the 04 #labourconference. I was about to take the last croissant from the breakfast buffet...

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

And had done so for the last 4 years.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

Funnily enough, that wasn't the worst discovery on that day. I also realised that my personal stationery said 'Jeff Hoon PM'.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

13 years ago, on this day, I discovered that Jack Straw had been daily adding arsenic to my water supply in an attempt to kill me.

[Geoff Hoon @HoonGeoff]

Many naysayer's would still happily criticise my position on Iraq. I readily bear the brunt of that criticism. It was our egg and I laid it.