Dana G

Military wife and mom of 2 toddlers! Just navigating parenthood by keeping my head above sea level. Army life=not knowing your zip code.

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

@errrcapen #truth

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

@ah_lish_ah My favorite murder! They are hilarious!

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

Apparently every time you roll your eyes at your husbands #mancold , karma is like #holdmybeer

#whohasitworse #whatcamefirst #dirtysnottykids #wifelife #momlife #idonthavetimeforthis

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

@errrcapen Let me know how it goes if it ever happens! lol #procrastinationisthenameofthegame

[Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues]

Welcome to adulthood, where youthful optimism is replaced by anger when the grocery store cashier bags your items out of the order you specifically put them on the belt.

[MyMomologue @MyMomologue]

When I look at my physical activity today, I can’t believe I’m so exhausted.
But when I look at my mental activity today, I can’t believe I’m still standing.

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

You're an adult when: the Tupperware cabinet in your house is real life Jenga. #iloseeverytime #adulting #momlife #differenthousesameproblem #startsoutorganized

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

#CurlyGirlProblem 58329: just when you get your hair figured out with products and water pH you get sent somewhere new! #armylife #armywife #momlife #curlygirl #stupidhardwater #devacurl #startover

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

*3rd night in new house,1st in bedroom*
I pop out of bed at like 5:20a because I thought I heard one of the kids crying. It's a nearby rooster. So there's that.
#newhouse274 #ithoughtwewereincitylimits #rostersunday #movinglife #armylife #onlyfor6months #supermomears #momlife

[Dad and Buried @DadandBuried]

I’m not saying I’m the world’s greatest parent, but neither I nor my children have ever seen a single minute of “Caillou,” so you do the math.

[Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses]

How to summon a mom:
*Make a circle with black leggings
*Blast some 90s rap
*Put a Target bullseye in the center
*Start making margaritas

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

...and today in my ongoing pretensive-care "clinic"I learned how to tape a buddy toe to a potentially broken one. 🤦🏼‍♀️ #callmeGraceFinesse

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

A box of wine does more than just save you money. It also saves you from having to hear “Really, Steph? Wasn’t that bottle like completely full yesterday?”

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

In case you were wondering what having toddlers is like:
3yo:*working on peeing standing*
Me: *uses hand as pee shield, because it's easier to wash hands than entire bathroom*
#toddlelife #missingdaddy #armylife #momlife #pottytrainingboys #daddycominghomecountdownison

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

Want a cheap distressed table? I'll send my toddlers over armed with pens, pencils and keys...free of charge.

#toddlerlife #momlife #destroyallthethings #distressed #welivecreatively #CatchIsYouWatchThem #mommissesdad #armylife

[Fresh Lettuce @newLettuce]

Today-Me: wtf is this

Yesterday-Me: Oh, that's a little to-do list I made for you. Lots of unpleasant tasks I didn't feel like doing myself.

Today-Me: I don't wanna do any of this. But you know who might...

Tomorrow-Me: wtf is this

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

My 2-year-old refused to brush her teeth because a towel was in the wrong spot.

I calmly explained to her that the position of the towel didn’t matter and that she needed to brush her teeth no matter what.

Just kidding.

I moved the damn towel.

[Dana G @HotMessMilMama]

Me: please don't touch my face
What a Healthy 2yo hears: *I must touch/kiss your face as much as possible* "we bes friends"

Me: get your germs away from me
What a Sick 2yo hears: *must slobber kiss mom like a St. Bernard on her face*

#sicktoddlerlife #momlife #eww #Snots&Tears