Kayak Jack

Purveyor of fine tweets

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

my stand mixer can double most cookie recipes so long as i’m willing to play a little defense once the oats go in

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

@senortalone @chuembucket 500.2. Haven’t seen anything beating its value+performance, I own one myself. V2 is $1300 rn on sale. Winnie’s also carrie’s Aventon. Happy to let you test ride mine.

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

I am writing so many checks to visit people that my PTO balance can’t cash. I’m in promised-vacation-debt through 2024 right now

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

Cat-Cow is such an important stretch but you really gotta make sure nobody catches you lackin

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

if I could have one superpower it would be the ability to wake up at 6am

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

last 2 times I’ve got a pie dish back from someone they took out all their pie dishes, said “which one is yours?” and I chose it at random from 3. There’s a 1/9 chance I still have my original dish

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

I get a crew cut and a good fade is so so important to avoid getting the peaky blinders look. This went wrong the other week and now I look like a soccer fan

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

does anyone else see the estimate walk time on google maps and just assume they can walk it significantly faster (built different) and then that walk time is dead accurate

[Jack Corbett @jackcorrbit]

your honor my client was just trying to free his mind at night

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

Who will rid me of this meddlesome sock that one of my friends left here

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

I had to turn off them screen time settings like week 1 of the pandemic, those figures are for Cupertino and God to know, not me

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

I don’t want to go to grad school but I would like my friends to so I can text them “what’s this thing on me foot” and stuff

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

considering buying a label maker and going waaaaay overboard with it

[John Fetterman @JohnFetterman]

SO BASICALLY I OWN TEN PROPERTIES BUT “LEGITIMATELY” ONLY TWO HOMES. A HOME IS JUST ANYTHING IN NEW JERSEY, WHERE I LIVE... MY MANSION IN FLORIDA IS JUST A VACATION HOME, SO THAT DOESN'T COUNT, AND THE ONE IN MAINE IS TECHNICALLY UNDER MY WIFES NAME SO IT'S NOT LEGITIMATELY MINE

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

Septa users are waiting for Slippery Rail season so we can really start dressin

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

A background studying German has me fast and loose with proper noun capitalization. It’s really just Vibe Based but the MLA don’t want you to know that.

[Kayak Jack @Huemmblebee]

planning canoe trips with film folks is killer. Early call times hours away from home are second nature to em

[Robert Griffin III @RGIII]

Devon Allen SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED.
He didn’t jump the gun.
He didn’t flinch.
He got punished for being TOO FAST.
Watch for yourself.

[John Fetterman @JohnFetterman]

Ah yes, the trip to Pats + Geno's -- a rite of passage for every tourist.