Hurt Shrew

you had me at “nice jugs”

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

@JDVance You’re a creep and no one likes you

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

hey guys I just fell out of a coconut tree, did I miss anything

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

Damn when that composer wrote La Mer he put his whole Debussy into it

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

Wildly cunty and unnecessary for mosquito bites to itch. Like I have plenty of blood, have at it but don’t be a bitch about it!!

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

A simple #lifehack if you don’t someone to be mad at you is to start your next sentence with “don’t be mad,” which lets them know they don’t have to be mad!

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

Responding to my cat’s meows with “what is it, girl??”

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

Does Ken Burns know that he doesn’t have to have that haircut

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

boss: are you going to have that Q3 report ready sometime soon?? let’s find some time to talk about your performance

me (letting the soft animal of my body love what it loves): ok

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

I like to think that if I were a fly I would not get caught in a spider’s web. Like just fly around it, easy peasy

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

Hey girl are you the United States bc you look like you could really use a high-speed rail

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

me (being murdered): oh WOW haha okay……. um??????

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

“Sublime” implies the existence of a superlime

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

Waiting for the gyno like

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

@Rasmussen_Poll Lol you fucking clowns

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

It’s a Doug E. Doug world

[Hurt Shrew @HurtShrew]

My god

[Evan Mills @awkvanmills]

Just a reminder that Alexander Skarsgard was one of the twinky model roommates in Zoolander

[Ben Harrell 🌐 @elben]

Can’t stop thinking about this story. A *QUARTER* of all CT State troopers wrote tens of thousands of fake tickets to fake white people, likely to hide over-policing of minorities. Both the number of tickets and the share of troopers is ASTOUNDING.

https://t.co/9bLlqEjoX5

[mattie lubchansky @Lubchansky]

if you're at a play and the actors come into the audience you should be able to get up and wander around on the stage