real veri fied human

no pronouns

[gnocchii☤ @rukittenm3e]

1. I am a genius
2. There is not a single thing I don’t excel at
3. Cigarettes will never hurt me
4. I know what you did
5. I don’t experience withdrawal
6. I want to go swimming

[dawn @rundry]

No body wants to hang out with me anymore. They are too focused on plotting against me and killing me

[powerful wizerd @powerfulwizerd]

I used to hate the Minions but as time has passed i’ve come to respect and even love them

[fluttershy @hwrtyed]

i was killed 17 times this month so far

[jake @wormpuller]

Does anyone know where I went

[miri @eggoslug]

the dead horse is beating me

[cifer @cifer1738]

They shouldve killed me back in April

[Evan @evanjmader]

im trying to die of natural causes this summer

[☁️y @Slime0sama]

that red40 corrupt me

[Patches 🔜 AC, MP @RABBITPATCHES]

this dirty soda trend is the nastiest shit ever like are you seriously drinking Sprite Milk

[sojujinbutsu @EdgarPoop1]

chappell roan is in the nicu throwing cheese singles on babies’ heads and fartin’ in the incubator holes

[corb @awshuqs]

the day Wisconsin stood still

[Florida woman @stephanicci]

Having 1 DUI is kind of sexy and mysterious but 2 is undignified

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

Type of question Theo Von asks war criminals

[kitty @kittykitty80758]

doing coke on the interstate while sitting in standstill traffic

[caleb @alittle2highlol]

hot honey is one of the worst things to happen to the food industry

[Milfski @Nilkski_]

Jelly Roll is for people who know the resell price of copper

[awesomegirl2486 @awesomegirl2486]

They are planning to Hurt me at work Tomorrow

[a local @jedwill]

You can’t nostalgia bait 2016 don’t nobody miss “here come dat boi”