j

he/him

[Stephen King @StephenKing]

Funniest joke ever is too long for Twitter, but it's about a duck that walks into a bar day after day, asking, "Got any grapes?" If someone knows it, tell someone else.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

The deal with Iran will go down as one of the most incompetent ever made. The U.S. lost on virtually every point. We just don't win anymore!

[limpkin @acealeam]

girlfriend called... DECLINE! busy whore! busy with my CREEK

[x - Jay Money @insiderJmoney]

RIP Kyle Busch

[Emma 🏳️‍⚧️ @Emmafromtwt]

Truly one of the last real bad guys in the sport and he knew it and I think he loved every second of it

[bee 🌱 @ghoulrunnings]

my first day on adderall i took a shower without sitting in my towel doing nothing for 2 hours afterwards and i called my mom n cried

[APStylebook @APStylebook]

We updated our style for telephone numbers in 2024 to drop parentheses.
We now recommend the form: 212-621-1500.
For international numbers use 011 (from the United States), the country code, the city code and the telephone number: 011-44-20-7535-1515.
Use hyphens, not periods. No parentheses.
The form for toll-free numbers: 800-111-1000.
If extension numbers are needed, use a comma to separate the main number from the extension: 212-621-1500, Ext. 2.

[RT @RT_com]

❗️ Moment Israel DIRECTLY HITS RT crew

[anusheh | james’ wwg @maslovergirlie]

big time rush was before one direction. and big time rush literally invited one direction to open for them on tour which then led to one direction’s popularity in america. we are losing the ancient texts 💔

[EF Comix @11975MHz]

Okay so I contacted the resident of the wrong address

Turns out said resident has surveillance video cameras all over his place.

The FedEx delivery driver put the package at their garage door, photographed it, MARKED IT AS DELIVERED, looked around, and placed my package back into his delivery van.

Bro even sent me a copy of the video.

@fedex how about you contact me over DMs, get my phone number and tracking info, and correct this before I upload the video of this to youtube? It's only been two hours. I just want my package. I don't care if you fire this clown or not.

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

I was doing like an advanced kind of joke where it isnt funny

[Andrew Nestico @PracticalTAS]

They killed app-level dark mode lmao

First ever app to actively try to get their users to stop using it

[nima astria @1likeaverage]

grieving the brockhampton breakup in 2026 cuz the allegations were apparently proved false 6 yrs ago

[Ari Meirov @MySportsUpdate]

Rich McKay is no longer the CEO of the #Falcons.

The Falcons will be adding a president of football position, who will have the primary decision-making authority for the team.

McKay will continue with Arthur Blank's larger portfolio of business.

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

Falcons also fired GM Terry Fontenot.

[j @IWantToDy]

God is good 🙏

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

Sources: Raheem Morris is out as the Falcons head coach.

[EVIL THE GOBLIN @jacksfatboner]

GUYS TURN THE TV ON DOESNT MATTER WHAT CHANNEL ITS FUCKING FOGGY WE IN BUSINESS

[Rusty 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @ImSmilingRn]

Honey get in the car. We have to go to the store because we're retarded and it's christmas eve