Jack Boot

The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

The time my bongos caught fire. It was terrible. No one would help and the more frantically I tried to put them out the louder everyone cheered.

[Anonymous @YourAnonNews]

Exactly like this, with his helmet off. 📷

[Blather Wince Repeat @xerxesbigboy]

Soft fontanelle be damned, what’s breakdancing without a headspin?

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

One of the cows on that cattle car has a brilliant idea for a screenplay. It's her secret joy.

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

My screenplay about sloths running from an advancing glacier admittedly has some pacing issues.

[Dentist Bob….🥌 @RetiredDent]

BREAKING: Hall and Oates have announced they will no longer play the America 250 concert.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

My mother’s relationship with waitstaff assumes that the menu is an enemy code they’ll decrypt together.

[Michael McKean @MJMcKean]

Dude.

[Bob Phillips @BobTheSuit]

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.

I stood there wondering why the wood was yellow.

Then the wolves came. Point is, just pick a road.

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

It doesn't matter how legitimate they claim to be, for the right price, your meseus will give you a handy. But for the right price, so will your dentist or your architect.

[Blather Wince Repeat @xerxesbigboy]

If someone says eschew, I’ll answer with gesundheit.
I've got nothing but time.

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

We'll be changing all our maps again and renaming it The Gulf of Iran before this war is over.

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

@NotTodayEric My favorite SNLer.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Dear kids, this is Phil Hartman.
He was awesome.

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

"I went to Spain to see the Spanish Steps. You know what a mutherfucker never tells you 'bout the mutherfuckin' Spanish Steps?" - Jules Winnfield walks the earth.

[Herschel Pennymacker @pennymacker]

New rule: when the drug commercial lists the side effects the actors have to act them out.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

I was going to write how carpe diem means “fish of the day,” but I've never cared for fish and see no reason to promote them.

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

Remember being a kid in the 70s and they would talk about top basketball players and it was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Julius Erving and you were incensed? "What about Meadowlark Lemon? What about Curly Neal? For God's sake, they've never lost a game! They have their own cartoon!"

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

I thought the mellifluent Morgan Freeman could make any advertising copy read like Dylan Thomas but "ATTR-Cardiac Amyloidosis" was his Waterloo.

[Bob Phillips @BobTheSuit]

Twenty seconds after getting home from your unsuccessful date in which you dropped $250 on dinner.

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

Remember being a kid in the 70s and they would talk about top basketball players and it was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Julius Erving and you were incensed? "What about Meadowlark Lemon? What about Curly Neal? For God's sake, they've never lost a game! They have their own cartoon!"