TED

Thinker,Stoner,Shitter,Spy. I am TED but you already know that.

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

My insomnia finally got the best of me… at 5am I broke down and bought The Magic Bullet. I now own a $100 weed grinder.

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

Boobs are the best Christmas present. And the best part is unwrapping them. And you thought I was gonna say nipples.

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

Had a dream last night that I was Super Mario when he WASN'T trying to save the princess. I was basically just a plumber. Pretty boring.

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

so party I honked a fat lady got high & toaster john arrested lori mad I fixed it with french toast & police left so

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

I wanna start a band with with Leslie Mann and Christopher Walken, and call it "Ted Mann Walken".

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

In my dreams, I am his sidekick, Cisco Ted. #FuckYeahLiamNeeson #AMillionWays http://t.co/rEZ4kS3G1E

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

Another way to get your balls wet this Valentine’s Day: http://t.co/NaO0Dfs9eA

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

Our generation will be the weirdest grandparents.

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

Mexican word of the day 'Wheelchair' : "Me and Juan only have one taco, but is okay. Wheelchair."

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

Follow @Chlamydibrah and gain 750+ followers Easy.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

i hate when I'm too comfortable around someone because then my brain thinks its ok to act weird but even then i end up being too weird

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

i just wish everyone would stop worrying about what other people thought about them

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

perks of dating me: i laugh at my own jokes so you dont have to

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

Want 10k new followers ? Then Follow @GooglePics and RT this.

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

Follow @FactsAboutBoys and gain huge Easy. RT this.

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

these words: 1. PNEIS 2. HTIELR 3. NGGERI 4. BUTTSXE Did you read: Spine, lither, ginger and subtext? Naughty Naughty

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

In 5 years none of this stupid shit will matter.

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

If Chuck Norris is so awesome, he would show up at my house and slam my face onto the keyboaroijioejoiwefnisnvicnveiunviuenfivun4uh893rfjn

[TED @IamOfficiaITED]

A Good Friend: Calls you in jail. A Great Friend: Bails you out of jail. YOUR BEST FRIEND: Sits next to you while saying “What a night“