Ian Harkins

[Cori Hundt @corihundt]

Extremely disappointed to see @amazon ending #amazonsmile. This will hurt hundreds of thousands of small non-profits that use it to diversify their organization’s income stream and work hard to stretch every penny to fulfill their missions. What a shame 😟#amazonfrown

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

Everyone! We can come back here now! It’s safe!

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

💚 #Grenfell 3 years ago today.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

Remember, every day, we are one day closer to the vaccine, everyone. Be well. (Not a pun)

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

Happy Day 1 of the French Open...which has been rebranded to the French Closed...🥺

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

My favourite rental car company is filing for bankruptcy. That really Hertz.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

I have this mental condition where I have to ask for really uncooked meats as my main course in restaurants. It's an extremely rare dishorder.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

I'm reminded of a very strange play I once saw where 5 actors played the part of a cloud. If you asked me, I'd say it was overcast.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

As an actor, I have this recurring dream where I'm in front of an audience, and I just suddenly fall through the floor. My therapist just reckons it's a stage I'm going through.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

My wife gave me a quarantine-cut. I didn't like my hair at first, but it's growing on me.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

From all this controversy surrounding the obvious need to fund the post office, I just want to say I for one like the post office. I think they really deliver the goods. #USPS

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

I saw a Russian doll today with a really smug look painted on its face. I thought it looked really full of itself.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

Who else thinks it would be a great idea for Miley Cyrus to compete on Eurovision under the pseudonym Kilometery Cyrus?

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

Defendant: Your Honour, I wish to contest 60% of my parking tickets!
Judge: OK. Repeat infractions?
Defendant: Fine. Your Honour, I wish to contest 3/5ths of my parking tickets!

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

Q: Why did Karl Marx not like Earl Grey?
A: Because he rejected the notion of proper tea.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

This is actually true: I had an antibody test today, and it had to be a blood draw. I wonder if it will be in vein.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

Again, thanks to my mother for providing me Womb and Board.

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

To all mothers in the USA, have a Mom-umental weekend!

[Ian Harkins @IanSnarkins]

I tried to make a pun about the Noble Gases on the periodic table, but all the good ones Argon.