IanWears👖

I am razzle dazzle.

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

@rich_moy We were two people totally not ready to have roommates

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

@rich_moy The second the car ride was over it was very funny

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

@rich_moy Congrats on being 18 year old me

[priscilla page @BBW_BFF]

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: going to see movies alone

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

My go to date conversation

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

@rich_moy thanks, that lovely tweet is brought to you by watching too much Autopsy on HBO

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

I hope my murderer doesn’t dump my body in water, I’m already bloated enough.

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

All over the world businessmen are spending their lunch break jacking off with their tie over their shoulder so it doesn’t get all cummy.

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

When Bill Withers dies I will lay on the ground and refuse to ever get up again.

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

My Mentalist fanfic has been described as “erotic” and “just 20 pages talking about Simon Baker’s boner.”

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

Without a shirt on I am indistinguishable from a sentient pile of mashed potatoes.

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

I want to write a book and not reveal that the characters are talking bears until page 200.

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

It’s probably not true, but it feels like if you are allergic to dogs that nature’s way of saying you are a terrible person.

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

What if I turn into one of those 40 year old white guys who loves jazz?

[IanWears👖 @IanWearsPants]

The only reason I get completely nude when using a urinal is to show everyone my gorgeous buns.