santa

if you show this account to Mrs. Clause I’ll put you on the fucking naughty list

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

stop leaving me milk and leave me a fucking beer damnit. I’m a grown ass man like what the fuck

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

Damn I’m fuckin strapped bruh lmaoo time to go kill some elves and eat them for dinner lmaoooo lil shits ain’t stand a chance #FUCKELVES

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

North Pole is melting and thank fucking god—sandy beaches and brews here I come motherfuckers!!!

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

for Christmas this year everyone gets a global pandemic, 9 months of unemployment and 600 dollars to ease the blow

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

@lamelnamel I’m going to eat exclusively bean burritos and take a shit down your chimney. Merry fucking Christmas dickwad

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

@teniaboo there can only be one

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

@enzer63471893 you will never have a woman who loves you

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

gonna stick my dick in a turkey call it stuffing

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

@awilddaissy yeah that’s good

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

stop leaving me milk and leave me a fucking beer damnit. I’m a grown ass man like what the fuck

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

mrs. claus is about to frack the living shit out of this asshole god damnit

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

I got Covid. Hope this time around it kills me dead so I can finally have an escape from this hell hole of a life

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

Meat shortage my ass the North Pole is full of fucking reindeer

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

I’ve given up on watching y’all for this year, it’s just getting to be too much to keep an eye out on everyone. Naughty? Nice? Who gives a flying fuck

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

@kokichilovesyou you’re getting a fucking 30 rack this year

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

not many black people in the North Pole but I’ve always known cops were fuckin bastards

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

@orempe wait what

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

@sarahrenee777 you too I guess

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

not celebrating Mother’s Day because I am a direct product of consumerism. I was not birthed. I simply appeared as an old fat bearded alcoholic man and the rest is history.

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

Every time I take a dump I put it on a stick and tell an elf it’s a fudge bar.... fucking dumbasses

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

@Thomas_wrong @orempe @rylie_estes @sillyhily @allinosarosa @faither_ @BestDadOf2020 @BGEStudios @onefatqueen @chloe_klare Bro stop tryna scam us all

[santa @ImFuckingSanta]

@Thomas_wrong @orempe @Blondre3K_ @webmdmom @mcgowan_royal @rylie_estes @allinosarosa @faither_ @NebraskaNFund @chloe_klare What