I'm London Bridge

Certain other bridges in London think they're so cool getting a Twitter account. Well they're not. I'm the coolest bridge in London. Official.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@NYCsidewalker Look the other direction. There's a much better view from my west side.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

A small dog just wolfed down the remnants of a kebab, couldn't handle the chilli sauce and quickly redeposited it on my pavement. Ugh!

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

Hahaha humans - your umbrellas won't protect you from my wobbly paving stone that squirts dirty water up your trouserleg.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

Could someone please squirt a few bottles of Imperial Leather shower gel up and down my pavements? I want to enjoy this power shower.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@SFBayBridge Hey cousin, they're all yours if you can send someone over to collect them. One of the scarves is accessorised with dog dirt.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

Five odd gloves and two scarves on me right now. I might go into competition with The Gap soon.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@sallycrawford No. I deliberately keep that paving stone wobbly for my own entertainment. It's brought me hours of pleasure.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

A guy holding festive carrier bags tripped on my loose paving stone. I heard a crunchy tinkle. And swearing. Not so happy Christmas for him.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

In general the besuited masses don't wear grippy shoes. So they're the ones who suffer from slippy pavements the most. That makes me happy.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

That's three businessmen on their arses. And eight with water up their leg from my wobbly paving slab. I love snow.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@MummyBarrow You're right. The kind of jumpers I have on me aren't made if wool. They're made of sadness and broken dreams.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

Yes people. It's cold. Stop talking about it and put on a bloody jumper.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@Toratapp The Bible's always been full of smut! you have read Song of Solomons haven't you? Pure erotica. Even in the King James Version.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@_chalkie_ Yes Graham. Some drunken Shoreditch twit managed to drop an iPad between the cracks in my paving stones. My troll loves it.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

Yawn *stretch*. What happened? Did I miss anything?

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@MayorWatch Nope. But a dog has decorated my pavement nearby to distract people from the houmousy smear.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

Miffed: Someone spills a small £18 pot of organic houmous on me.
Delighted: A Belgian tourist in sandals slips on it.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@NickPoole1 Thanks Nicholas. That's like my family photo album. Lovely.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@bslistener I understand. I was really disappointed I had to carry your underwhelming arse. Everyone's glad you're off Facebook though.

[I'm London Bridge @ImLondonBridge]

@girlonetrack http://twitpic.com/27cwqo - Nice shot of me. Although it looks like you took it in 1973 and lost it in a drawer for 35 years.