Miles Matthews

There will be jokes here. some will be good, most will be bad.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

Most people clean their tongue when they brush their teeth. I never thought it was important until I just looked at my tongue for the first time. I am 29 years old.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

I would tweet more often if I didn't already validate my own thoughts and opinions.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

@dreana4you It does lol.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

@dreana4you It's hard to find clothes from Shaft's wardrobe in your sizes.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

Sorry my tweet sucks.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

Insomnia or Sleep Procrastination? #tooboredtosleep

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

#NewProfilePic

[Tom Segura AKA Mr. Ladybug @tomsegura]

This documentary is making Ted Bundy sound like a really bad guy.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

You know when you're just standing there breathing and your bones crack?

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

My friends can tell when I've had too much internet for one day. #cantstopwontstop

[Bubbles @MSmithBubbles]

Ha what the fuck is that??

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

KD with ketchup smells better than it tastes.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

Tube socks or gtfo. Happy new year.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

What are y'all dressing up as for Christmas?

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

Bought some weed off a homeless guy. Gonna smoke it.

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

How about who ever hosts the Oscars must also be Trump's Chief of Staff?

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

@ARosalea Nope. I wouldn't.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

I would buy more condoms if Jolly Rancher made them.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

Does anybody remember Skrillex? I don't.

[Miles Matthews @ImMilesMatthews]

I hate tablecloths. Who's with me?