Phil Incontro

Don’t worry, I don’t like my jokes either.

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

Drunk tweet. I like a girl and I actually am open about how I feel about her. It’s disgusting and I apologize

[Talkin' Yanks @TalkinYanks]

THE NEW YORK YANKEES ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

Just found out my mom keeps her spice drawer organized in a specific order based on a Simon & Garfunkel song that she doesn’t even know the words to other than the line “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme.”

Incredible

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

Rock is so fucking back

[Liam Gallagher @liamgallagher]

To all those SHITCUNTS who were crying about my ANGELIC TONES last night you ain’t real fans your just IMPOSTERS and if you do have tickets you wanna get rid off I’ll gladly take them off your hands we don’t want the likes of you at our concerts nxt year any way LFUCKING

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

This joke better cost Disney 5 billion dollars. Dance on her grave why don’t you

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

@princegregorous Rs rs

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

@princegregorous @BIGIROD21 Tbf we don’t know the lifespan of Xenomorphs but I don’t think it’s the same one

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

Hey guys what’s the best way to tell a woman “hey I saw you once and you’re so beautiful I want to build you a cottage where you raise our children while I fish and hunt for us?” But like…super casual?

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

Taylor Swift got HR face

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge is TWENTY YEARS OLD WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

Being an uncle is sick you just give a 6 year old an extra cookie and it’s like you got an extra mini drunk person at the function letting out secrets like yoooo what?!?! somebody kissed a girl on the cheek already??? Scandalous

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

Watch this. Watch it again. Face the reality of what you saw. This was an execution. There is a problem within the law enforcement community in this country that needs to be corrected. Swiftly and at the root. May this animal never see another day as a free man.

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

In Iowa stealing catalytic converters

[Fireball sommelier @Sheehan_Sports]

You cannot be serious right now

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

Subtweet with no context ab people getting what they deserve

[Studio Ghibli @TheGhibliFamily]

Ghibli Snoop

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

My 7th grade teacher told me “character is who you are when no one is looking” and I never forgot that. That’s why I’m the worst version of myself when people are around.

I’m a Boy Scout when I’m by myself.

[Phil Incontro @IncontroPhil]

@fakepremehoodie The streets here; we’re saying we’d appreciate at least an EP

[Kristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse]

what the Dino nuggets in my microwave see at 3am: