pissed on your wife

matching with @terukiss

[Shane @shaneferro]

I too am enjoying Hunter Biden being a great poster, but some people are a little too surprised that the son of a President is smart, well-informed, and good at communicating, as if they think addiction only happens to idiots

[૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა @CBD42O]

this is so hard to explain but theres a bird in my neighborhood i have to confront

[Meggy @igetsoinspired]

It actually feels good to be the skinnyfat daughter who drinks too much and has a career no one respects or understands

[˘͈ᵕ˘͈ @0SAKA_04]

Bitches be spending $250 on pills to roll around in bed

[^_^ @goneforthenight]

gay people are unreal i just bought my friend a coffee and he said “I’m going to lick you clean later” . hey man you can just say thank you i think

[cory @coolmathgame_]

dentist after examining my teeth: [frowning] i don’t like this [taking his tools out of my mouth] i don’t like teeth anymore

[P @psevynn]

Next mf make me mad imma stand up on they shoulders & pull they head off

[rune sword @runesword1]

aww babe, don’t cry :(

maybe torture the homunculus for a while? you love that haha

[🕷️ @rtzvv]

me when i feel ignored

[Emily @writerofscratch]

Pope calls for a Butlerian Jihad and suddenly all the larpers who were begging for a new crusade are nowhere to be seen.

[daisy @ihatedai]

No cookouts on Memorial Day cus the men busy bedazzling their matching sets

[Soleil @soleiljolina]

My problem is I believe I’m supposed to have fun every single day

[VICA @powerbottoming]

Not really

[mila @dadubiouschunk]

How my grandparents always end their night after dinner

[Molly Percocet @mollypercocet69]

Hey so what the fuck was I saying to my uber last night

[Eren 💋 @erenfromtargets]

remember everytime you use ai , you’re taking away his water

[cav empty @cavempty_]

let’s go butt to butt twin

[grace @gracefishlove]

Fool me once I kill myself on the spot

[tyler woodward @tyler02020202]

Can a magazine pay me 3000 dollars to write a personal essay about gay techno rave culture i’ll be like i’m in a crowded room but feel alone