Elaine

I am a tired flower

[Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer]

I just told my daughter, “It’s 11:11 make a wish!” To which she replied, “My wish is that you go to the eye doctor because it’s 11:17.”

[Slowpoke guy @AvengingDrake78]

Weather so nice i broke out my 13 piece patio set

[tatyana ;) @tatbaee]

I do a lot of illegal shit but I draw the line at littering

[donald boat @laserboat999]

theres this guy in my neighborhood that greets me with “sup legend” every time I see him. we have never had a single conversation outside out of that but I would walk into machine gun fire for him

[positive side of X 🌞 @positivityofx]

how differently they join each other

[Losing it @prophethusband]

Me: (Mumbling as boss approaches my desk) i’ll kill myself in front of you if you ask me to do a single thing I swear to god
Boss: Hey can you email me that thing
Me: Oh for sure playa. No doubt

[i like food @messedupfoods]

both pls

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

a hidden challenge of parenting is how easy it can be to momentarily forget you’re talking to a child. today my 5 year old was like “I’m so hot should we just eat more popsicles?” and I was two seconds away from being like “YES BITCH”

[Hunty @Huntwherever]

Took my sister out to the bar last night and a gay gestured at her outfit and said "you ate" and my sister replied "we had thai food for dinner" and then asked me if she looked bloated

[cats being weird little guys 👅 @weirdlilguys]

he said lgbtq rights

[Dont Show Your Cat @DontShowYourCat]

remember to recycle

[pj @pjayevans]

Flags are at half mast today because I had a scary dream last night